I was at the gym the other night, and I got to talking with one of the girls working out.
She had been speaking with her trainer about her engaged brother who is planning a wedding. The parents of the bride had planned to pay for the affair, but the groom's parents opted to split the cost because they wanted to be able to offer opinions, be included on the invitation, etc.
And, then she proceeded to share how her brother's fiance can be a bit of a "challenge." That already she has seen rifts between her and her brother. And, the fiance is in fact meeting with the mother of the groom in the next week or so in an effort to clear the air.
Being a proponent, as you know, if you've been reading this blog, of mensches making the best marriage material, I wondered what kind of woman we are speaking of here. While I have never met her, we got into a discussion at the gym about change and relationships.
My feeling is that people don't typically change.
If you are marrying someone with the hope that they have the potential to become a different person, I don't think that's particularly realistic.
Sure, we all influence each other. It is possible for people to cultivate new interests. Try out new skills. Change their wardrobe. Get a updated haircut....etc....etc.
However, people don't alter their basic character.
What you see is what you get in that sense.
So, when you are dating someone, trust your gut. If there is something about their behavior that you question, don't sweep it under the rug. There's only so many dustballs you want under that rug.
You can't make someone more fun than they are. You can't give them a sense of humor. You can't change their sense of responsibility. You can't make them close to their friends, if friendship isn't important to them.
And, as life packs on more responsibility, things can get more challenging, especially if you add children to that equation.
So, don't fool yourself into thinking that little fights don't matter. Sure, no relationship is perfect, and you want to be open and express you opinion even if it leads to a disagreement. But, if you fight regularly or don't see eye to eye about things that matter most to you in life, then that won't get better.
And, it shouldn't be your goal to get someone to follow your belief system. They are entitled to their own. Sharing passions is one thing. But your life's work isn't to shape them into what you hope they would be.
I have heard couples say that their mate makes them a better person. And, that is great. But, you can't lay in wait for that to happen. You need to choose wisely.
Once a mensch (decent person), always a mensch. That's what you should strive for.
PS -- Check out the site http://www.singlefilm.com. The cousin of a friend of mine made this really cool independent film regarding single life, and it is very empowering and insightful.
Showing posts with label socializing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label socializing. Show all posts
Friday, July 25, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
The Third Right: Right Place
You've probably been waiting with baited breath for Right #3 (LOL) -- well here goes.
It's The Right Place.
I am referring to your choice of socializing avenues.
You ideally want to put yourself where you're going to find the opposite sex in numbers. The odds of making a love connection may then be all the more in your favor.
As obvious as this may sound, you may not necessarily doing it.
Do you tend to pursue activities that are convenient and familiar to you? Have you been going to the same functions, bars, mixers, etc. for the last 10 years, with little success?
If the answer is yes, it's time to shake things up and perhaps step out of your comfort zone, even if just a bit.
Of late, I've been working with a number of single women love coaching clients who want to take advantage of the summer weather. Though the heat can be rough, it's also an opportunity to get outdoors. And, if you want to meet a guy, engaging in something physical is a great way to go.
For example, consider going on a hike, taking up biking, or going on white water rafting trip. How about participating in a sports league, etc. There are so many options, and you don't have to necessarily be a jock.
Other ideas for meeting men .....attend a networking function, a business breakfast, join a speech making group, take a class, i.e. architecture.
Be creative. Think out of the box. Ask your male friends or relatives or co-workers for ideas. Check out a magazine like Men's Journal for ideas.
If you're a guy looking to meet a women, why not consider cultural pursuits? Take a film class. Go to an art exhibit or a fundraiser supporting an arts cause. Take a Pilates or yoga class. Sign up for a walking tour for shoppers (yes, they exist).
No doubt most of these activities would be female-dominated, and that is what you want. The more you surround yourself with women, especially if you're all engaged in an activity, the easier it is to break the ice and start a conversation.
Take a hard look at your socializing efforts, and throw in some of the above. You'll have fun, while you put yourself out there in a way that can work to your socializing advantage.
It's The Right Place.
I am referring to your choice of socializing avenues.
You ideally want to put yourself where you're going to find the opposite sex in numbers. The odds of making a love connection may then be all the more in your favor.
As obvious as this may sound, you may not necessarily doing it.
Do you tend to pursue activities that are convenient and familiar to you? Have you been going to the same functions, bars, mixers, etc. for the last 10 years, with little success?
If the answer is yes, it's time to shake things up and perhaps step out of your comfort zone, even if just a bit.
Of late, I've been working with a number of single women love coaching clients who want to take advantage of the summer weather. Though the heat can be rough, it's also an opportunity to get outdoors. And, if you want to meet a guy, engaging in something physical is a great way to go.
For example, consider going on a hike, taking up biking, or going on white water rafting trip. How about participating in a sports league, etc. There are so many options, and you don't have to necessarily be a jock.
Other ideas for meeting men .....attend a networking function, a business breakfast, join a speech making group, take a class, i.e. architecture.
Be creative. Think out of the box. Ask your male friends or relatives or co-workers for ideas. Check out a magazine like Men's Journal for ideas.
If you're a guy looking to meet a women, why not consider cultural pursuits? Take a film class. Go to an art exhibit or a fundraiser supporting an arts cause. Take a Pilates or yoga class. Sign up for a walking tour for shoppers (yes, they exist).
No doubt most of these activities would be female-dominated, and that is what you want. The more you surround yourself with women, especially if you're all engaged in an activity, the easier it is to break the ice and start a conversation.
Take a hard look at your socializing efforts, and throw in some of the above. You'll have fun, while you put yourself out there in a way that can work to your socializing advantage.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Summer Lovin'
Before you know it, summer will be upon us. If you're like me, you can't wait for consistently warm and sunny days....preferably without humidity. Blue skies bring the promise of summer lovin', and the opportunity to get outdoors and seize the socializing moment.
So, with the sun gaining on us, have you thought about how you're going to spend your days?
Countless new socializing option present themselves this time of year. Some organized....some not.
One place that I enjoyed a lot when I was single is Club Getaway in Kent, CT. They offer loads of activities, or you can just chill by the lake. There are a variety of theme weekends that might appeal to you. Phone 877-7GO-PLAY, and tell them Love Coach Robin Gorman Newman sent you, to receive a $25 discount.
A number of my love coaching clients have expressed interest in joining a share house in the Hampton's (NY). That is an option. Look for one that feels comfortable to you. Fire Island is another cool place to spend summer weekends, if you love the water and a more low key environment.
Consider an afternoon in Central Park, if you're in NY....or hang out in a park near you. Tip....have a prop. Props can help get a conversation going. Wear a t-shirt with an interesting saying or logo. It might catch someone's eye and give them something to talk about. Walk a dog. Visit a Dog Run. Dogs can be people magnet. Throw around a frisbee. Put a smile on your face and make direct eye contact with people.
Get moving. Partake in sports. Consider joining a league. Activities that offer continuity...the opportunity to see the same faces more than once...can help break the ice.
You don't have to be a jock. Sometimes a willingness and load of enthusiasm is all you need. Effort is appreciated. Check out some of the sites below. If the concept appeals to you, look for a chapter in your town, or a similar group that is local.
www.zogsports.com
www.adventuresociety.com
www.mosaicoutdoor.org
www.wildearthadventures.com
www.harrimanhikers.org
www.nynjtc.org
If you incorporate outdoor activities into your social regime, not only will you get some great exercise, but you'll meet people in a whole new way. And, because you're engaged in an activity, it takes the pressure off.
So get out....get movin'.....and shake up your body & love life!
So, with the sun gaining on us, have you thought about how you're going to spend your days?
Countless new socializing option present themselves this time of year. Some organized....some not.
One place that I enjoyed a lot when I was single is Club Getaway in Kent, CT. They offer loads of activities, or you can just chill by the lake. There are a variety of theme weekends that might appeal to you. Phone 877-7GO-PLAY, and tell them Love Coach Robin Gorman Newman sent you, to receive a $25 discount.
A number of my love coaching clients have expressed interest in joining a share house in the Hampton's (NY). That is an option. Look for one that feels comfortable to you. Fire Island is another cool place to spend summer weekends, if you love the water and a more low key environment.
Consider an afternoon in Central Park, if you're in NY....or hang out in a park near you. Tip....have a prop. Props can help get a conversation going. Wear a t-shirt with an interesting saying or logo. It might catch someone's eye and give them something to talk about. Walk a dog. Visit a Dog Run. Dogs can be people magnet. Throw around a frisbee. Put a smile on your face and make direct eye contact with people.
Get moving. Partake in sports. Consider joining a league. Activities that offer continuity...the opportunity to see the same faces more than once...can help break the ice.
You don't have to be a jock. Sometimes a willingness and load of enthusiasm is all you need. Effort is appreciated. Check out some of the sites below. If the concept appeals to you, look for a chapter in your town, or a similar group that is local.
www.zogsports.com
www.adventuresociety.com
www.mosaicoutdoor.org
www.wildearthadventures.com
www.harrimanhikers.org
www.nynjtc.org
If you incorporate outdoor activities into your social regime, not only will you get some great exercise, but you'll meet people in a whole new way. And, because you're engaged in an activity, it takes the pressure off.
So get out....get movin'.....and shake up your body & love life!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
The Notorious Checklist
Do you have one?
If so, are you willing to admit it?
And, what about your friends?
Do they?
How long is it?
You know what I'm talking about. The "checklist."
It is not uncommon to have one.
Some would view it as a "wishlist." What you wish you could find in a mate, in a perfect world.
But...since we surely don't live in a perfect world (what is perfect anyway?).... how effective is a checklist really?
I'm all for identifying what is important to us. And, as a writer, by nature, I often turn to pen and paper to record my thoughts, or the computer.
What is key about writing things down is that you have it to review over 'n over again. And, this can be a very helpful task during the dating process.
What exactly is it that you desire in a person?
Can you prioritize your list?
Are you willing to accept that it's quite the challenge....if not next to impossible....to "have it all"?
Ultimately, it comes down to what you can live with, and being realistic, if you truly want to find a life partner.
When I host one of my workshops for singles, I've been known to advise that you should throw half your checklist out the window.
I'm not suggesting you settle, though it may sound that way. But, if your standards are unrealistic, you will be unhappy with most people you meet. No one will measure up fully. Examine what matters most to you at the end of the day and over the long run.
And, conversely, take a look at what you have to offer in return. Make a checklist of your own strengths and weaknesses. What kind of romantic partner would you make? Are there areas in your own life that could use improving? If so, is it fair to expect so much from someone else when you have personal work to do? (And who doesn't have work to do, on some level? It's part of wanting to grow as an individual.)
We are each works-in-progress, evolving every day, and what we want/need can change over time. With age and experience often comes greater clarity.
For this reason too, having a written checklist can be telling if you tuck it away in a place (like a journal) where you can find it a year later, for example. Pull it out, and see how much of it still holds true.
I urge you to be open-minded as you go about socializing. Sometimes a prospective love interest might not look "perfect" on paper, but there's something about them that clicks/resonates with you if you give them a chance. You may be surprised...and pleasantly so.
So...don't do yourself a disservice by sticking so firmly by your trusty checklist....and don't write it in indellible ink. A little flexibility and realism can go a long way in the quest for love.
If so, are you willing to admit it?
And, what about your friends?
Do they?
How long is it?
You know what I'm talking about. The "checklist."
It is not uncommon to have one.
Some would view it as a "wishlist." What you wish you could find in a mate, in a perfect world.
But...since we surely don't live in a perfect world (what is perfect anyway?).... how effective is a checklist really?
I'm all for identifying what is important to us. And, as a writer, by nature, I often turn to pen and paper to record my thoughts, or the computer.
What is key about writing things down is that you have it to review over 'n over again. And, this can be a very helpful task during the dating process.
What exactly is it that you desire in a person?
Can you prioritize your list?
Are you willing to accept that it's quite the challenge....if not next to impossible....to "have it all"?
Ultimately, it comes down to what you can live with, and being realistic, if you truly want to find a life partner.
When I host one of my workshops for singles, I've been known to advise that you should throw half your checklist out the window.
I'm not suggesting you settle, though it may sound that way. But, if your standards are unrealistic, you will be unhappy with most people you meet. No one will measure up fully. Examine what matters most to you at the end of the day and over the long run.
And, conversely, take a look at what you have to offer in return. Make a checklist of your own strengths and weaknesses. What kind of romantic partner would you make? Are there areas in your own life that could use improving? If so, is it fair to expect so much from someone else when you have personal work to do? (And who doesn't have work to do, on some level? It's part of wanting to grow as an individual.)
We are each works-in-progress, evolving every day, and what we want/need can change over time. With age and experience often comes greater clarity.
For this reason too, having a written checklist can be telling if you tuck it away in a place (like a journal) where you can find it a year later, for example. Pull it out, and see how much of it still holds true.
I urge you to be open-minded as you go about socializing. Sometimes a prospective love interest might not look "perfect" on paper, but there's something about them that clicks/resonates with you if you give them a chance. You may be surprised...and pleasantly so.
So...don't do yourself a disservice by sticking so firmly by your trusty checklist....and don't write it in indellible ink. A little flexibility and realism can go a long way in the quest for love.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Taking the Lead
Who calls? Who pays? Who does the asking out?
Do you ask yourself any or all of these questions?
Do you find yourself getting into a debate with your friends about it?
Do your single friends feel one way, and your married friends another?
I broach this subject because it recently came up over lunch with a single woman I befriended through a networking group I belong to. I didn't expect to discuss personal matters. We were schmoozing about our various business endeavors, who we know, etc..and as the lunch neared toward the close, she asked if she could seize the moment while I put on my "love coaching cap." I'm always happy to offer advice, if I can be helpful, and I was curious to hear what she wanted to share.
We engaged in a discussion about male vs. female roles in the dating/socializing process.
We recalled years ago the book The Rules, which cleared stated dos and don'ts in the social arena....taking a strong stand that men should be the pursuer...and that you shouldn't be readily available.
I agree with the book on some levels, but not all. I'm not a fan of game-playing. But, the bottom line is that you want to be respected. I do agree that less is more. And, you want to leave him wanting more.
You also want to know that he is as interested in you as you are in him. And, to a certain extent, like it or not, I personally believe that it's more beneficial in the long run for the guy to take the lead. Meaning...that he should ask you out.
I don't have a problem with a woman initiating a conversation with a guy. Some men are shy and would welcome this. But, I'm not a big fan of the woman being the one to suggest that phone numbers or business cards be exchanged. Even if he agrees it's a good idea, why didn't he propose it? Is he just going along with it to avoid an awkward moment? You want to know...don't you?
And...yes...he should be the one to make the first call, or email exchange. Let's see if he would take the initiative. How interested in you is he?
In a perfect world, you want to be pursued.
And, what happens on the date? If you are working and earning a nice income and consider yourself an independent sort, you may want to pay for the date or even split the check. You might think this is the way to go, to show that you don't need his money or expect to be treated.
I do not support this approach. The last thing you want to do on a date is haggle over the check. If you feel the need to reciprocate, then pay on a future date. Cook dinner for him. Take him out for dessert afterwards, etc. There are other ways to show that you don't take for granted that he is treating.
A great way to kill a romantic mood is to do battle over the bill...as well meaning as your gesture is intended.
It may seem old-fashioned, but when it comes to dating, at least at the onset of a potential relationship, let the guy show his colors. You'll appreciate it down the road.
I welcome your thoughts on this. You may or may not agree, so do tell.
Do you ask yourself any or all of these questions?
Do you find yourself getting into a debate with your friends about it?
Do your single friends feel one way, and your married friends another?
I broach this subject because it recently came up over lunch with a single woman I befriended through a networking group I belong to. I didn't expect to discuss personal matters. We were schmoozing about our various business endeavors, who we know, etc..and as the lunch neared toward the close, she asked if she could seize the moment while I put on my "love coaching cap." I'm always happy to offer advice, if I can be helpful, and I was curious to hear what she wanted to share.
We engaged in a discussion about male vs. female roles in the dating/socializing process.
We recalled years ago the book The Rules, which cleared stated dos and don'ts in the social arena....taking a strong stand that men should be the pursuer...and that you shouldn't be readily available.
I agree with the book on some levels, but not all. I'm not a fan of game-playing. But, the bottom line is that you want to be respected. I do agree that less is more. And, you want to leave him wanting more.
You also want to know that he is as interested in you as you are in him. And, to a certain extent, like it or not, I personally believe that it's more beneficial in the long run for the guy to take the lead. Meaning...that he should ask you out.
I don't have a problem with a woman initiating a conversation with a guy. Some men are shy and would welcome this. But, I'm not a big fan of the woman being the one to suggest that phone numbers or business cards be exchanged. Even if he agrees it's a good idea, why didn't he propose it? Is he just going along with it to avoid an awkward moment? You want to know...don't you?
And...yes...he should be the one to make the first call, or email exchange. Let's see if he would take the initiative. How interested in you is he?
In a perfect world, you want to be pursued.
And, what happens on the date? If you are working and earning a nice income and consider yourself an independent sort, you may want to pay for the date or even split the check. You might think this is the way to go, to show that you don't need his money or expect to be treated.
I do not support this approach. The last thing you want to do on a date is haggle over the check. If you feel the need to reciprocate, then pay on a future date. Cook dinner for him. Take him out for dessert afterwards, etc. There are other ways to show that you don't take for granted that he is treating.
A great way to kill a romantic mood is to do battle over the bill...as well meaning as your gesture is intended.
It may seem old-fashioned, but when it comes to dating, at least at the onset of a potential relationship, let the guy show his colors. You'll appreciate it down the road.
I welcome your thoughts on this. You may or may not agree, so do tell.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Internet Dating Tips
I received a call today from a prospective love coaching client. She was looking to pursue internet dating for the first time, and she had a lot of trepidation. She was concerned about getting started and how to do it smartly and effectively.
We had a long discussion, and I offered her a number of tips. And, they hold true, even if you've been using the web for some time as a dating tool. I have also worked with singles who have been on JDate.com and other sites for a good period, and sometimes they say it's not working for them, and they don't know why. I have known others who have had success.
Consider the following.
*Post a great photo of yourself. Invest in hiring a photographer, if need be. It's worth it. And, you can find services on the web that specialize in internet dating photos. Your photo is your first impression, and the web is a numbers game since so many are pursuing it. You want yours to stand out as much as possible, and capture the essence of you. I have seen many post photos they've had laying in their nightstand drawer because it was easy. One of my clients posted a photo of herself wearing sunglasses, and you couldn't see her face. Another wore a tuxedo, which made him look dapper, but very stiff, yet he had a good sense of humor and was fun-loving. That did not come across. Another posted a shot with part of the arm of someone else he had been standing next to and cropped from the photo. These don't work. You can do better.
*When writing about yourself, don't just post the facts. So many I work with want to get it over with, so they write as if they are extracting info. from their resume. This is a bore. You want to attract someone. You want them to want more. And you want them to want to meet you. So, what can you do? Write with personality and colour. Ask your friends how they would describe you? What do they think would attract someone to you? It can be hard to write about yourself. You're too close to the subject. Be specific. What are some of your interests? Do you like movies? Name your favorite movie. Do you enjoy travel? What is your favorite vacation spot? The last thing you want is to sound generic. Give someone a "hook" to write to you about. You want what you describe to resonate with them, and make a connection. Back in my single days, I placed a personal ad, and I began it by writing "pretty pizza lover....." I thought it was cute, and original, and might get a chuckle. It did lead to some fun responses, and broke the ice conversation-wise, because we began by discussing our favorite pizza places. So, don't be afraid to be playful and clever.
*Don't exchange in an overly lengthy email exchange. Two of my clients had the experience of doing that, and it didn't turn out well in either case. In both instances, they conversed a lot on the computer. Long, detailed notes were exchanged, particularly after hours, when they were feeling somewhat vulnerable and alone. Things were shared. It became personal. All before they met. Way too premature. When they finally did connect in person, the dates proved disappointing. They had set themselves up for potential failure because there was so much expectation. They had built up their hopes too soon. This is understandable, but it might have been avoided. Don't be tempted to put a lot of stock in email. Best to keep your notes brief and to the point, and make a date. There is something to be said for a little intrigue, and email can easily be misinterpreted. It's also common to share a lot in email because the words sometimes pour out, especially if you're a fast typist. But, this isn't the best way to get to know someone. It's a start....but you need to come face-to-face.
*When you do make the date, meet in a public place. Get yourself there and back. Have ample money on hand to pay your own expenses. Remember...you don't know this person, no matter how many emails you've written to each other.
In general, I am a fan of internet dating. It think it's an option worth exploring when you are seeking a mensch, but you want to do it safely and smartly.
I'd love to hear your internet dating stories, especially if you've met a love that way. Do tell.....
We had a long discussion, and I offered her a number of tips. And, they hold true, even if you've been using the web for some time as a dating tool. I have also worked with singles who have been on JDate.com and other sites for a good period, and sometimes they say it's not working for them, and they don't know why. I have known others who have had success.
Consider the following.
*Post a great photo of yourself. Invest in hiring a photographer, if need be. It's worth it. And, you can find services on the web that specialize in internet dating photos. Your photo is your first impression, and the web is a numbers game since so many are pursuing it. You want yours to stand out as much as possible, and capture the essence of you. I have seen many post photos they've had laying in their nightstand drawer because it was easy. One of my clients posted a photo of herself wearing sunglasses, and you couldn't see her face. Another wore a tuxedo, which made him look dapper, but very stiff, yet he had a good sense of humor and was fun-loving. That did not come across. Another posted a shot with part of the arm of someone else he had been standing next to and cropped from the photo. These don't work. You can do better.
*When writing about yourself, don't just post the facts. So many I work with want to get it over with, so they write as if they are extracting info. from their resume. This is a bore. You want to attract someone. You want them to want more. And you want them to want to meet you. So, what can you do? Write with personality and colour. Ask your friends how they would describe you? What do they think would attract someone to you? It can be hard to write about yourself. You're too close to the subject. Be specific. What are some of your interests? Do you like movies? Name your favorite movie. Do you enjoy travel? What is your favorite vacation spot? The last thing you want is to sound generic. Give someone a "hook" to write to you about. You want what you describe to resonate with them, and make a connection. Back in my single days, I placed a personal ad, and I began it by writing "pretty pizza lover....." I thought it was cute, and original, and might get a chuckle. It did lead to some fun responses, and broke the ice conversation-wise, because we began by discussing our favorite pizza places. So, don't be afraid to be playful and clever.
*Don't exchange in an overly lengthy email exchange. Two of my clients had the experience of doing that, and it didn't turn out well in either case. In both instances, they conversed a lot on the computer. Long, detailed notes were exchanged, particularly after hours, when they were feeling somewhat vulnerable and alone. Things were shared. It became personal. All before they met. Way too premature. When they finally did connect in person, the dates proved disappointing. They had set themselves up for potential failure because there was so much expectation. They had built up their hopes too soon. This is understandable, but it might have been avoided. Don't be tempted to put a lot of stock in email. Best to keep your notes brief and to the point, and make a date. There is something to be said for a little intrigue, and email can easily be misinterpreted. It's also common to share a lot in email because the words sometimes pour out, especially if you're a fast typist. But, this isn't the best way to get to know someone. It's a start....but you need to come face-to-face.
*When you do make the date, meet in a public place. Get yourself there and back. Have ample money on hand to pay your own expenses. Remember...you don't know this person, no matter how many emails you've written to each other.
In general, I am a fan of internet dating. It think it's an option worth exploring when you are seeking a mensch, but you want to do it safely and smartly.
I'd love to hear your internet dating stories, especially if you've met a love that way. Do tell.....
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day....or is it?
Valentine's Day is almost upon us.
How does it feel for you?
I can recall, when I was single, that I often found it a challenging occasion. I was working in Manhattan at the time, surrounded by florist, candy and card shops. When I ventured out during lunch time, I remember strategically crossing certain streets so as to avoid passing the windows chock full of beaming red love-related gifts on display.
Even when I was dating someone, Valentine's Day sometimes felt complex, depending on the nature of our relationship. Do you buy a card for someone if it's a new relationship? If so, what should the card say? Is a card enough? If you want to give a gift, how would it be interpreted? What if I give him a card, but I don't get one in return? And, should we have a date on Valentine's Day, and if so what is the significance of it? Does it need to be by candelight? Who picks the place? etc.....I could go on 'n on.
As you can see, I drove myself crazy, and probably overanalyzed the holiday. But, really, it was all in an effort to do the right thing, and send the right message to my hopeful Mr. Right Mensch.
But, why put all that pressure on yourself?!
Let me make a suggestion.
Make Valentine's Day a day of self love. Let it be an empowering holiday for you where you do something sweet for yourself that you wouldn't normally do. Have you been wanting to book a massage? How about a girls get together watching a classic chick flick? How about a guys night out at the local sports bar? Celebrate the people you love in your life. Maybe even start a new tradition. Plan a lunch with your favorite gal pals and make it a meal you'll always remember. It's a nice break in the day, and you can do it year after year, even after you meet your mensch.
How often do you give yourself permission to chill? I can personally confess that whether single or married, I've never been great at it. My To Do list is ever growing and never ending. If that sounds like you, take advantage of Valentine's Day and don't think about looking for a mate, if you're not already dating someone. Focus on being the best you can be. Tell cupid to take a hike for today. You can resume your social networking tomorrow.
It's just another day. And, if in the mood, you can always buy yourself a box of chocolates at 1/2 price the day after.
REMINDER -- Check out my new How to Marry a Mensch YouTube video, and be sure to post a comment on youtube if you like it, and pass it on -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BTliqFJyt8&eurl=http://lovecoach.com/
You can also visit www.lovecoach.com and click on the video from there.
How does it feel for you?
I can recall, when I was single, that I often found it a challenging occasion. I was working in Manhattan at the time, surrounded by florist, candy and card shops. When I ventured out during lunch time, I remember strategically crossing certain streets so as to avoid passing the windows chock full of beaming red love-related gifts on display.
Even when I was dating someone, Valentine's Day sometimes felt complex, depending on the nature of our relationship. Do you buy a card for someone if it's a new relationship? If so, what should the card say? Is a card enough? If you want to give a gift, how would it be interpreted? What if I give him a card, but I don't get one in return? And, should we have a date on Valentine's Day, and if so what is the significance of it? Does it need to be by candelight? Who picks the place? etc.....I could go on 'n on.
As you can see, I drove myself crazy, and probably overanalyzed the holiday. But, really, it was all in an effort to do the right thing, and send the right message to my hopeful Mr. Right Mensch.
But, why put all that pressure on yourself?!
Let me make a suggestion.
Make Valentine's Day a day of self love. Let it be an empowering holiday for you where you do something sweet for yourself that you wouldn't normally do. Have you been wanting to book a massage? How about a girls get together watching a classic chick flick? How about a guys night out at the local sports bar? Celebrate the people you love in your life. Maybe even start a new tradition. Plan a lunch with your favorite gal pals and make it a meal you'll always remember. It's a nice break in the day, and you can do it year after year, even after you meet your mensch.
How often do you give yourself permission to chill? I can personally confess that whether single or married, I've never been great at it. My To Do list is ever growing and never ending. If that sounds like you, take advantage of Valentine's Day and don't think about looking for a mate, if you're not already dating someone. Focus on being the best you can be. Tell cupid to take a hike for today. You can resume your social networking tomorrow.
It's just another day. And, if in the mood, you can always buy yourself a box of chocolates at 1/2 price the day after.
REMINDER -- Check out my new How to Marry a Mensch YouTube video, and be sure to post a comment on youtube if you like it, and pass it on -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BTliqFJyt8&eurl=http://lovecoach.com/
You can also visit www.lovecoach.com and click on the video from there.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Welcome to My First Blog As a Love Coach
Welcome to my first blog as a Love Coach. I've been advising singles for over 10 years re: how to improve their relationships and social lives.
My career in this arena began when I wrote the books HOW TO MEET A MENSCH IN NY and HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH (decent person). I was on the lecture and publicity circuit, and at the suggestion of a friend who attended one of my talks, I decided to offer private consultations as a coach. It became clear that I could offer all kinds of tips and advice in a group setting, but no two people have the same challenges. And, not everyone, understandably, is looking to air their personal love life quandries in a public setting. Hence, my website, www.lovecoach.com, and my work in that role. I find it immensely gratifying and have worked with men and women of all ages and backgrounds, both on the phone and in person.
I welcome your comments on this Blog, and would like to address issues you want to hear about, so please don't hesitate to make suggestions.
And, if you've read my books, I'd love your feedback.
I wish you all the best in your quest for a mensch! :) They are worth the wait, in my book.
My career in this arena began when I wrote the books HOW TO MEET A MENSCH IN NY and HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH (decent person). I was on the lecture and publicity circuit, and at the suggestion of a friend who attended one of my talks, I decided to offer private consultations as a coach. It became clear that I could offer all kinds of tips and advice in a group setting, but no two people have the same challenges. And, not everyone, understandably, is looking to air their personal love life quandries in a public setting. Hence, my website, www.lovecoach.com, and my work in that role. I find it immensely gratifying and have worked with men and women of all ages and backgrounds, both on the phone and in person.
I welcome your comments on this Blog, and would like to address issues you want to hear about, so please don't hesitate to make suggestions.
And, if you've read my books, I'd love your feedback.
I wish you all the best in your quest for a mensch! :) They are worth the wait, in my book.
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