tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86670344093950857892024-03-08T09:34:58.620-05:00Relationship Rap with RobinRobin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-88898309180174551052018-02-22T21:12:00.000-05:002018-02-22T21:12:15.102-05:00Have Dating Apps Killed Romance? by Robin Gorman Newman As a multi-tasking mom and entrepreneur, I wear several hats. One of them is as a Love Coach for singles.<br />
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Thinking back to my single days….I remember how challenging it felt to be out there navigating the socializing waters in NYC (mostly). Not only was it time consuming to go out, but figuring out where to go was one more thing to do.
All that research and longing for a primary source of information led me to put my writing ability to the test….for both personal gain…and to endeavor to help others<br />
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I am the author of two dating books, How to Meet a Mensch in New York and How to Marry a Mensch. Mensch, for those who might not know, means decent, responsible person. The origins are Yiddish, but it’s become quite mainstream. And, in the dating arena, it doesn’t get any better than finding your Mr. or Ms. Right Mensch. (Stay tuned for the upcoming Off Broadway musical inspired by the books.)<br />
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After doing many speaking engagements and special appearances, a single friend suggested I offer personal advice….because no two people are the same, nor do they have the same needs or challenges. She was so right….and I launched a practice as a Love Coach — offering private consults to singles to help boost their social lives.
In light of that work, which I still love to do, I decided to take advantage of the invitation to attend a recent panel discussion in NYC at The Kaye Playhouse at Hunter College entitled “Swipe Left: Dating Apps Have Killed Romance.” With a title like that, how could any red-blooded single person (or Love Coach) not be intrigued?!<br />
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Many of my love coaching clients participate in online dating, especially because most are busy (who isn’t?!) and see it as an opportunity be in the dating game, whether they have time to go out and meet people in person or not.
I, actually, remain a fan of the old fashioned way of connecting, as the web is such a numbers game, but that’s not to say it can’t or hasn’t worked for some. And, since it’s an ever-changing and growing landscape, I was curious to hear some experts take it on. I somewhat questioned the topic since, while I know there are pros and cons to online dating, I don’t see how apps kill romance, because true romance, in my book, follows once you have made a connection with someone and develops over time. Sure you might become smitten quickly, but that’s not the same.<br />
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The panel debate, orchestrated by Intelligence Squared U.S., featured in support of the motion, sociologist Eric Klinenberg, co-author with Aziz Ansari of Modern Romance, and Manoush Zomorodi, host of the Note to Self podcast from WNYC Studios. Debating against the motion were Match.com’s chief scientific advisor Helen Fisher, who studies the neural systems associated with romantic love, and OkCupid’s Vice President of Engineering Tom Jacques.<br />
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The evening opened with a keynote Q&A with Daniel Jones, editor of the New York Times’ hugely popular “Modern Love” column. It was a very well executed and engaging two hour event before a love hungry, packed crowd, and attendees were given the opportunity to pose questions as well. At the end, the audience got to vote electronically for the team that was the most convincing. (They had also given their electronic vote at the beginning in terms of how they felt before the debate began.)<br />
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Each speaker was both entertaining and informative, and moderator John Donvan, an author and correspondent for ABC, was top notch both in terms of wit and skill and keeping speakers on point and timely. It proved to be a stimulating evening, and perhaps a dose of encouragement for those singles hopeful that online dating will lead them to love.<br />
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To view the full debate, see which side won, and to weigh in….visit https://www.intelligencesquaredus.org/debates/swipe-left-dating-apps-have-killed-romance.
Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-7027972259337624952013-02-14T11:02:00.004-05:002013-02-14T11:04:14.605-05:00Flirt Like a ProFlirting is the playful art of catching someone’s eye. It can be done with a simple smile and show of receptiveness through open, positive body language. Opportunities to meet an appealing person are often fleeting, and if you don't go for it, you're left only with regret. So, seize the flirting moment if you see someone who looks interesting!
Consider the following Flirting Dos and Don’ts:.
<b>FLIRTING DOS:</b>
*Be a good listener – silence can be sexy.
When you engage in discussion with someone, gaps in a conversation are natural. Don’t try to constantly fill them. Give the other person a chance to talk. Don’t get nervous that the conversation may not flow right away. Some people take time to warm up to someone new, as we will discuss later. Additionally, if you can be a good listener, that is so appreciated. Everyone likes to feel that someone is genuinely focused on them and taking in their every word.
*Have a prop – i.e. a cute dog can help attract someone.
A prop could be anything that catches someone’s eye and invites comment….ideally positive.
Other than a cute dog, examples of props include articles of clothing or accessories. Consider the following. You work out at a gym three times/week or jog in your neighborhood or go rock climbing on the weekend. Instead of your usual sweatshirt, what about wearing a t-shirt with a striking saying or logo? It could be something funny, could be from your alma mater, or potentially your favorite rock group or Broadway show. It offers the perfect conversation opener for someone who sees it.
If you’re going out some place more formal, another type of prop would be an interesting pin, hat, colorful tie or scarf. Again, it’s an item that someone may notice and approach you to comment on. In turn, you may do the same if you see someone wearing something that grabs you.
*Make direct eye contact.
The key to flirting is to make sure you connect with the other person. If you are on the shy side, it’s easy to think that you have caught someone’s eye, when in fact, they are oblivious to your overtures. You want to look someone straight in the eye, look away, and look back, so that you’ve connected more than once, and you’ve made it clear that you are looking at them. Don’t stare….just catch their glance in a friendly manner.
*Smile and exhibit positive, open body language.
Once you have made direct eye contact with someone, you want to smile and look like you’re receptive to meeting them. This is done by maintaining open body language. For example, you don’t want to stand with your arms crossed. If it helps to hold something, buy a drink or grab a glass of water, and keep it in one hand. If your arms are crossed, you’re closing yourself off and may look stiff. When you are talking to someone, lean toward them. It shows you are not afraid to get close….though not too close….unless you’re looking for a fling and want to get touchy-feely.
*Pay a compliment, make someone laugh, or ask a question when initiating a conversation.
Aside from commenting on someone’s “prop,” other approaches are to pay a compliment, make someone laugh or ask a question. If you’re paying a compliment, you want to keep it “clean.” The goal isn’t to embarrass someone, but make them feel good about themselves. To make someone laugh, you don’t want to be offensive, and humor can be very subjective. No dirty joke telling, until you know if it’s their style.
Asking a question is the most neutral and natural way to go, as long as you don’t get overly personal right away. For example, if you’re at a neighborhood happy hour at a restaurant you frequent, you can approach someone by asking if they live nearby and what their favorite local restaurants are. If you’re in a gym, you can ask how to use a particular weight machine. It is flattering to be asked to share your knowledge, and this can be the equivalent of paying a compliment because the other person will feel that you consider them worthy of offering instruction.
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FLIRTING DON’TS:</b>
*Don’t get overly touchy.
There’s a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. You don’t want to get overly touchy with a stranger or invade someone’s personal space. When approaching someone, stay a comfortable distance from their face and don’t touch their body in an inappropriate manner. It can a person someone or at the very least, turn them off. Along with this comes understanding when to take no for an answer. It’s important to hear someone loud ‘n clear and not dismiss their response, if they aren’t reacting positively. Don’t take it personally. They don’t know you, so who knows what their reasoning is?
*Don’t force yourself to go out if you’re in a bad mood (unless you’re always in a bad mood).
While you might feel like you need to go out as much as possible to try to meet someone, there’s no point if you’re not mentally up to it. Now, you might say, “I’m never really up to it”. And, I would understand, because it’s not always easy putting yourself out there, especially after a hard day at the office. Transitioning from work to play doesn’t come naturally to everyone. If you’re burnt out and really want to go home and chill, do it. Just don’t give into yourself constantly, because you may never go out.
*Don’t be afraid to laugh….it’s attractive…and contagious.
If you’re out with friends, don’t be afraid to show you’re having a good time. If you come across as a fun-loving person, that will suggest you’re someone who likes to enjoy themselves, appreciates friends, and welcomes the opportunity for a good laugh. You know how to let you hair down and sharing that zest for life is something you’d love to do with the right person.
*Don’t look around for other prospects when you’re talking to someone.
The kiss of death for a potential love interest is for them to catch your wandering eye. You’ve flirted your heart out and connected with someone….don’t blow it by overtly checking out others around the room. If you think he won’t notice your distraction, you’re wrong. Focus on talking to the person in front of you, as opposed to wondering who else is there. The grass isn’t always greener.
*Don’t go searching for a pen or piece of paper if you meet someone.
One of the best ways to lose an opportunity to get someone’s number or give out yours is to be ill-prepared. Always have a business or personal calling card available. If you’re scrounging around for paper, a pen or even a napkin to write on, it can become embarrassing and kill the moment. Plus, you may prefer to be subtle in a crowd when you give out your number, and having a card is the most discreet way to pass on your information. If you’re not certain you want to give out your home number, consider your cell number. Additionally, you might want to create an e-mail account for socializing purposes, so that you can also give out that e-mail address. I caution you, however, not to get too personal if you e-mail each other. Use e-mail just as a means to arrange a date. Don’t rely on it initially as a big information sharing vehicle. It is way premature to take that approach. The same holds true for the phone. Try not to talk for hours on end before you’ve had a date. You might think that’s indicative of a heartfelt connection, but that’s not necessarily true. It takes time to be certain of that, and in the interim, it is more hurtful to grow attached to someone before you’ve spent quality time in-person and can see if the connection is there.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-28460005693282030812013-02-09T15:16:00.002-05:002013-02-09T15:19:46.788-05:00International Flirting Week: Who Flirts More? In celebration of International Flirting Week (February 13-19, 2013), created by Robin Gorman Newman, and Valentine’s Day, <a href="http://www.zoosk.com">Zoosk.com</a>, the romantic social network, conducted a survey among more than 13,000 of its members around the world to gather their thoughts on flirting – why they do it, how they do it, and who does it best.
“Flirting is the playful art of catching someone’s eye, and while some are natural flirts, others require practice to do it well,” says Robin Gorman Newman, founder of International Flirting Week and LoveCoach.com, and author of <i>How to Marry a Mensch<b></b></i>. “As the Zoosk survey shows, many view flirting as fun even if they don’t want to date the person, but it’s also a way to jumpstart a relationship or rekindle romance. In our busy lives, flirting can be a quick and effective way to remind your mate that you love and are excited by them.”
Zoosk’s survey findings include:
It’s a battle of the sexes!
• The majority of men (60%) think that women are the biggest flirts, and the majority of women (53%) think that men are more flirtatious!
#1 reason why people flirt? It’s fun.
• 41% of men and women around the world say, “flirting is just playful fun!”
• 20% say is it a good ice breaker when dating, although only 11% say they flirt to attract a partner.
• 18% say flirting helps keep the romance alive in a relationship
Both men and women admit to flirting just for fun.
• More than half of men (54%) will flirt with a woman even if he is not interested in pursuing a relationship with her.
• 41% of women will flirt with a man even if she is not interested in pursuing a relationship with him.
Flirting keeps the romance alive.
• 89% of men and women think that it is important to flirt with your significant other even when in an established relationship.
Biggest turn-off when it comes to flirting?
• 32% say coming on too strong and invading personal space are the biggest turn offs.
• 20% say corny pick up lines are a turn off.
• 20% say inappropriate comments about one’s physical appearance.
• 7% say suggestive body language.
We all know it and they admit it: Italians are flirts!
• 97% of Italian men consider themselves a flirt, but American men are not too far behind at 76%.
Zoosk conducted the survey online in January 2013. The survey garnered 13,611 responses from members of Zoosk in Australia, Canada, Denmark, Italy, United Kingdom, United States, and Sweden.
Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-365897429077193812011-01-01T13:06:00.000-05:002011-01-01T13:06:37.466-05:00Dating & Doing for Others by Robin Gorman NewmanThe new year is here! It's a chance to shake things up in your life, and that includes dating.<br />
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What can you do differently?<br />
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How can you live fully and socialize and even give back?<br />
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I'm not a huge fan of just pursuing blatant singles activities. There are so many more options.<br />
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Ask yourself.....what can you do that would feel good? Have you ever made an effort to do for others?<br />
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I'm a huge fan of doing volunteer work. This can also include joining a committee to help plan a fundraiser for an organization you'd like to support.<br />
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This past year, one of my love coaching clients was a big dog lover. After our first private meeting, I put together a personalized socializing plan of action for her which included various non-profits that featured events for dog lovers. Despite her passion for pooches, she had not gone that route in terms of socializing, so it was a new direction for her. <br />
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What causes might you embrace?<br />
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Do you enjoy sports? Consider The Special Olympics.<br />
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Are you Jewish? Consider United Jewish Appeal (UJA).<br />
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Want to raise money for a health cause? Consider Society Ties -- the young professional arm of Leukemia & Lymphoma.<br />
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I could go on 'n on....but you get the idea.<br />
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And, if you give back, it comes back to you. If you join a committee or volunteer regularly, you'll likely see some of the same fellow volunteers more than once, and that makes it all the easier to meet, chat and get to know each other in a comfortable environment.<br />
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So, give it a shot!!Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-67848172003297238772009-11-11T16:36:00.001-05:002009-11-11T16:37:17.289-05:00What's all the Talk about a Mensch?Check out my quote in this clever piece in Moment magazine re: the word mensch. <a onmousedown="'UntrustedLink.bootstrap($(this)," href="http://www.momentmag.com/Exclusive/2009/2009-12/200912-Jewish_Word.html" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://www.momentmag.com/Exclusive/2009/2009-12/200912-Jewish_Word.html</a>Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-65466919642724257752009-09-25T21:29:00.001-04:002009-09-25T21:30:42.154-04:00Robin Gets Interviewed on Blog Talk Radio -- Take a listen<a href="http://www.blogtalkradio.com/JewishShmoozNetwork/2009/09/18/Join-Our-Shmooze-With-Love-Coach-Robin-Gorman-Newman-On-Finding-A-Mensch">http://www.blogtalkradio.com/JewishShmoozNetwork/2009/09/18/Join-Our-Shmooze-With-Love-Coach-Robin-Gorman-Newman-On-Finding-A-Mensch</a><br /><br /><br />Note: You don't have to be Jewish to enjoy the show or interview.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-54306152722827542732009-06-01T12:52:00.004-04:002009-06-01T12:54:09.721-04:00Robin to do Chat with WomenI will be a guest on a cool radio show on Monday, June 29th, 11:45AM EST. Hope you'll tune in. Visit www.chatwithwomen.com to hear me that day, and it will remain posted on the site.<br /><br />You can listen to the Chat With Women Radio Show 5 days a week! Pam and Rochelle bring you their pearls of wisdom, insightful tips and crafty wit.<br /><br />I look forward to it, and hope you'll listen in.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-45770189390201163832009-05-10T14:08:00.003-04:002009-05-10T14:20:52.690-04:00SlackYesterday I had a speaking gig at the Long Beach Public Library in NY.<br /><br />Though I'm under the weather, I did not want to cancel. And, I was ultimately pleased with the way it worked out.<br /><br />It was interesting. I wound up speaking to an almost all geriatric crowd, and what a feisty bunch they were.<br /><br />I find that age makes a difference re: what I share and what is pertinent to their lifestyle. So, I tried to be conscious of this.<br /><br />I invited, as I always do, comment from the audience, and there was much discussion.<br /><br />One of the topics that particularly arose I'd like to discuss now.<br /><br />One of the gals in the audience told attendees how she went out to socialize and was approached by a man who she wound up talking to for a bit. At the close of the conversation, he gave her his business card, in what felt like a forward manner, and told her that she should contact him and perhaps they could get together.<br /><br />She did not know what to make of it and was somewhat put off by the fact that he didn't also take her number. She felt that he was relying on her to make the move, and she was not comfortable in that role. Additionally, she didn't think she was particularly interested, and on top of it, didn't like feeling in the dating "hot" seat. So there were a combination of factors are work here.<br /><br />This caused huge debate at my talk. Another woman in the audience, with two grown married sons, shared how one of her daughter-in-laws actively pursued her son, and he actually welcomed it. That he was on the shyer side, and now they're happily married.<br /><br />She said that, in her opinion, men can be fragile. And, that women often assume that guys should take the leadership role in the dating arena.<br /><br />My response was that generally speaking most women are more comfortable if a man takes the lead. Then, at least they know where they stand. And, you don't have to question the level of interest someone has in you. Won't most men, even the shy ones, try their best to stick their neck out when it comes to asking a woman out who they like?<br /><br />Her point was that men are insecure too. And, sometimes they don't have someone they can really talk do. Women are better at reaching out to each other for support and insight.<br /><br />I do agree with both these points. Many of my male love coaching clients come to see me because they want to do the right thing and don't always know what that is. I can help guide them and offer a female perspective. Their goal is to please so they can succeed on the social front, but how to do that? <br /><br />Ultimately, my talk concluded, with the audience being in resounding agreement, that we all have to cut each other some slack. Everyone wants to be happy, and affairs of the heart can be complex. There are no hard 'n fast rules. Often you just have to learn to trust your gut and intuition.<br /><br />But, at the end of the day, try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Most of us yearn for love in our lives. There's no one way to find it, but if we treat each other with respect and kindness, socializing might be a bit less stressful.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-6454030351831382432009-03-13T16:50:00.003-04:002009-03-13T17:04:28.406-04:00PatternsDo you have a pattern?<br /><br />I'm referring to a pattern of dating?<br /><br />Do you have a habit of gravitating toward the same type of person, and it continually fails to work out?<br /><br />This is not unusual.<br /><br />Most people would say they have a "type" that appeals to them<br /><br />Part of it is looks.<br /><br />Profession could play role.<br /><br />Sense of humor.<br /><br />Interests.<br /><br />etc.<br /><br />There are many things that contribute to "type."<br /><br />While it's natural, it can ultimately prove self-defeating.<br /><br />It's important to examine your choices.<br /><br />What to do if you recognize that you tend to both attract and be attracted to a guy or gal who isn't commitment-minded, and you are ready to find a life partner?<br /><br />Consider what it is that appeals to you.<br /><br />I would definitely first urge you to explore your own readiness.<br /><br />Are you truly poised to walk down the aisle or do you just think you should be ready? There is a difference.<br /><br />If the answer is a resounding "yes" you're reading, then why do you continually seek out those who aren't on the same page as you?<br /><br />Years ago, I had a single girlfriend who was very attractive and never attracted a marriage-ready guy. She and I would go out dancing, and inevitably the guys that would come over to her were the ones that had the never to strike a conversation. To many, her looks would be intimidating. Not that she was even aware of her own looks. She was one of the most down-to-earth girls I knew, and still is, and we remain close friends. But, the bar/club scene wasn't working for her.<br /><br />I told her she needed to shake things up, and I wrote/placed a personal ad for her. Ultimately, she met her husband through it, and since he seldom, if ever, went to bars/club, she would not have had a way to meet him if she kept on the socializing path she was pursuing.<br /><br />Like herself, she needed, for the long run, a more down-to-earth guy who would treat her well....yes someone she was attracted to, could laugh with, respected, have a family with ....etc....but until I mentioned a personal ad to her, she didn't recognize that she needed to take a different approach. And, while his looks didn't necessarily knock her out immediately, there was an attraction on a deeper level, and they are happily married with kids today.<br /><br />I urge you to take a look at your patterns. Who you attract. Who is attracted to you. Are they marriage-minded? What can you change, if need be, about your socializing pursuits that could lead you down a different path.<br /><br />It's worth investing the energy to explore.<br /><br />And, if you're not sure, consider speaking with a Love Coach, like myself, because sometimes it's tough to see ourselves.<br /><br /><br />PS -- I have a special sale at present on my book HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH. Buy One....Get One Free. Drop a note to <a href="mailto:rgnewman@optonline.net">rgnewman@optonline.net</a>.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-20663411877477113192009-02-14T13:19:00.005-05:002009-02-14T13:38:09.645-05:00Happy Valentine's DayWanted to wish you a very happy Valentine's Day!<br /><br />I hope you're doing something for yourself that feels good.<br /><br />Don't feel like you must have a date. Or that it's imperative to socialize.<br /><br />What is important to do is to practice self care.<br /><br />I feel a bit like a broken record when I say this....but it's so easy to get caught up in the business of life, that we become our To Do lists.<br /><br />When was the last time you played music and danced?<br /><br />Allowed yourself some quiet time?<br /><br />Went to a movie you've long wanted to see?<br /><br />Had a good belly laugh with a friend?<br /><br />The better you feel about yourself...and it's an inside job....the more appealing you will be to a potential mate.<br /><br />Who wouldn't want to be with someone who is lit up from the inside out? Who is confident. Who loves life.<br /><br />Is that you?<br /><br />Think about it.<br /><br />I had lunch with a friend from high school yesterday who reconnected with me recently on the web. It was nice to see her. A trip down memory lane. I loved high school and my experiences there, so it was a feel good luncheon bringing each other up to date....as much as we could in one luncheon.<br /><br />She is single....never married....and has a live-in boyfriend. She has no desire to marry him or have children. She earns more than him...and said he is a boy at heart....which sounded both good and challenging.....so she has no desire to walk down the aisle. She is happy with her life. She has many friends. Does country line dancing. Enjoys trying new things. Her boyfriend is introducing her to hiking and ice skating. A friend of hers is introducing her to rock wall climbing.<br /><br />I was intrigued to see all that she is doing. She likes her job, and practices self care seemingly well. She is currently being treated for a back problem, and took it upon herself to pay out of pocket for the treatment. She wants to feel good.<br /><br />It got me thinking about the choices people make in their lives.<br /><br />I wondered what she imagined was ahead for her when we were in high school?<br /><br />What did I imagine was ahead for me?<br /><br />How about you?<br /><br />There's no one way to be happy. And, marriage isn't the answer for everyone.<br /><br />If it's what you do want for yourself, then you might take away some helpful pointers from my book HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH (decent person) and earlier blog posts.<br /><br />But, regardless....do your best to live in the moment, and enjoy each day as much as possible.<br /><br />Start with today!! You deserve it.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-68772492219782829762009-01-01T12:36:00.002-05:002009-01-01T12:48:25.648-05:00Love GoalsLet me start by wishing you A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR.<br /><br />I was speaking with a wise friend the other day who was talking about 2009 and reflecting on the past year.<br /><br />She said she hadn't felt like she accomplished all she wanted to, yet she really had done a lot. It was evident to me, and became clearer to her after I suggested she write it down.<br /><br />But, she got me thinking about the notion of reacting to life vs. leading it. We can't control all that happens to us, but we can create a Goal list. She emphasized identifying Goals vs. making Resolutions. And,she suggested including 5 items.<br /><br />So, what are your goals in the romance department?<br /><br />If you hope to find a mate....consider this.<br /><br />Rather than putting than much pressure on yourself, why not try a list such as a following:<br /><br />*go out once/week to some place new that could be social.<br />*do volunteer work<br />*make up a business/personal card and carry it at all times, to give to appropriate people.<br />*have more fun with friends<br />*practice self care, so I can feel good about myself<br /><br />You can adjust it accordingly to what feels right for you. <br /><br />I invite you to give it a shot. And, if you're not sure, get quiet, and see what comes up.<br /><br />You will know what feels truly attainable given the other demands of your life.<br /><br />The last thing you want to do is put more pressure on yourself, but you also want to move forward with what feels important.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-58410664233346925402008-12-19T15:11:00.009-05:002008-12-19T20:41:49.103-05:00New Year'sDo you feel pressure to have a date on new year's eve? Or to go a party, even if your heart isn't into it?<br /><br />When I was single, I always felt compelled to have new year's plans. If I didn't have a date, I needed to have some kind of social agenda that seemed promising. Often what I truly felt like doing was chilling at home, spending time with my folks, or maybe having dinner with a close girl friend.<br /><br />Or, even practicing self care.<br /><br />Getting a massage. Doing my nails. Taking a long relaxing shower. Listening to music. You name it.<br /><br />One year, I learned the hard way, that it's always best to trust your gut and not push yourself needlessly.<br /><br />I was invited kinda last minute to a party that a friend was going to. It wasn't someone she knew well. It had come to her through the grapevine. I had no particular desire to go. I had resigned myself to a quiet evening at home. But, these pangs of guilt kicked in. So, quickly I jumped into the shower, got myself dressed and met up with my friend. Even my parents encouraged me to go. Their attitude was, you're certainly not going to meet anyone at home.<br /><br />But, then I'd think to myself, do I really have to try to meet someone on new year's eve? Isn't that one of the hardest socializing days of the year? <br /><br />You can probably guess how the story goes. The party was a bust.<br /><br />The crowd wasn't my scene. The people weren't my type. There was loads of booze (which I'm not into), cigarette smoke (which I detest), etc. So, we were quickly in 'n out of the host's house, and I was totally pissed.<br /><br />At the end of the day, I felt like I had wasted my time. Sure I had made an effort to socialize, but I ultimately felt worse because I didn't have the faith to trust my gut and do what I felt like doing..which was to stay home.<br /><br />There comes a time when pushing yourself to venture out is important, if you tend to be a homebody type. But, if you're not by nature that way, and have particular days when you just want to chill, then give in to that impulse. You're entitled. Nothing wrong with laying low. If you push yourself to go out too often, you may burn out, and not look like you're having much fun when you're there anyway.<br /><br />So, do what you're inclined to do this holiday season and new year's eve. And whatever that is, enjoy and be safe. <br /><br />There's plenty of time to make new year's socializing resolutions in 2009. Until then, cut yourself some slack and do what calls out to you.<br /><br />HAPPY HEALTHY HOLIDAYS!!Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-77192870800797177812008-11-26T14:24:00.008-05:002008-11-27T09:57:39.972-05:00Throw a "New Blood" PartyFirst let me say HAPPY THANKSGIVING to you and your loved ones!<br /><br />Do you have any special plans?<br /><br />Are you spending it with your family? Close friends? Or, you're just being mellow and prefer not to do anything in particular?<br /><br />Whatever you choose, there is no one way to celebrate.<br /><br />When I was growing up, it was always a family time.<br /><br />Now that I'm married and have a young son, and my mom has passed away, we are starting new traditions. My husband is cooking, and my father and his mom (his father passed away) are coming over. I have a sister who is married with kids, and they will be away, and the same holds true for my husband's brother and his family. <br /><br />I've never been one who loves to entertain, though I do enjoy being with people.<br /><br />One day I was having a talk with a close friend who said that perhaps you've reached a point in your life where you need to create traditions that include friends. And, there's something to be said for that.<br /><br />One of my love coaching clients who lives is New York is from overseas. Her family is still there, so she's living here on her own. She makes a point of celebrating occasions with friends she's made in the U.S.<br /><br />And, if you think about it, it's potentially a great way to socialize as well.<br /><br />Let me throw an idea at you. Consider throwing a "new blood" party or dinner. Invite your close friends, and suggest that each of them invites a friend (ideally of the opposite sex), who you don't know. Keep it as an intimate get together. You don't want to overwhelm yourself. And, you never know who you might meet.<br /><br />Give it a try!<br /><br />PS -- Looking for a gift for a special single friend or family member? Consider picking up a copy of HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH (decent person). I'm currently selling autographed copies at a special BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE PRICE. Drop me a note through my site www.lovecoach.com.<br /><br />PPS -- If you happen to be in NY, I will be speaking at the Long Beach Public Library on 12/20, 2pm. Come meet me! And, I'll have books available for purchase.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-57432647872754587852008-11-17T15:28:00.001-05:002008-11-17T15:29:29.706-05:00Questions for the Love CoachI'd like to open this blog up to questions from you.<br /><br />What would you like to ask? Is there a topic you'd like me to write about?<br /><br />Please drop a note to rgnewman@optonline.net or post a comment.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-53469099124219320562008-10-31T14:30:00.007-04:002008-10-31T15:16:08.667-04:00Tales from the RanchI returned from Canyon Ranch in Tucson earlier this week, and must share with you the experience.<br /><br />It was such a huge growth opportunity, in ways I never would have anticipated.<br /><br />I was there as a guest speaker to share my wisdom from How to Marry a Mensch, and stayed on to vacation a couple of days.<br /><br />I was traveling alone, which felt like a bit of a challenge. But, it took me back to my single days when I signed up alone to go on the singles trip where I met my husband. So, traveling solo does have its advantages! :)<br /><br />My talks at Canyon Ranch attracted both couples and singles, seeking advice for themselves, to pass on, or to reaffirm that they had found their Mr. or Ms. Right Mensch and were grateful. It was interesting that after I spoke, various individuals approached me to share their story of how important it was that they married, or were dating a mensch. It made me feel good that others recognized the desirability of partnering with a quality person, and being a mensch themselves.<br /><br />While I am not being paid by Canyon Ranch to endorse them, I have to share with you how whole-heartedly I recommend a stay there, if you can swing it. They have various locations, and it's such a great step toward practicing self care. Whether it be to exercise, develop portion and calorie awareness, be pampered, share your thoughts with others, etc., it's the ideal place to get in touch with you soul.<br /><br />And, if you think about it, if you are seeking a soul mate, you want to be in a good place in your life. If this means taking some time out for you, you need to do that. Self exploration might feel like a luxury, but we all want to grow in our lives. And, the richer we are as people, the better we are able to connect with others on a deeper level.<br /><br />Traveling to Canyon Ranch alone reminded me of my single days for another reason. I found myself eager to talk to new people and to want to be liked, so that I had companionship. I recalled all the times I went to socials and so desperately wanted to make conversation.<br /><br />While I was far from desperate this time 'round, I did feel a bit of initial insecurity until I started to break the ice with some new folks. And, in general, I found the guests (and staff) quite welcoming and open to spending time, even if they came with friends or family members, which many did. It was a blessing to feel warmly received, and I relished getting to know different people, hoping I would stay in touch with a select few.<br /><br />One workshop I attended addressed the point of wanting to be liked. The expert facilitator said that everyone craves that. I questioned her and said that I felt like it is a shame that we tend to seek out approval. But, she didn't take it that way. Her feeling is that if someone appears to not like you, for whatever reason, they are someone who needs a hug the most. What I learned is that we shouldn't judge or compare ourselves to others. <br /><br />We are all so different, and you can never know what someone thinks or feels on the inside. Regardless of how they look, a person might not be as self confident as you imagine, yet you might find yourself sizing them up, envying them, aspiring to be like them, etc. And, it's not worth it. If you are comfortable in your own skin, you will put out a positive to the world and people will gravitate toward you. So, whether you want to attract new friends or a love into your life, make sure your self esteem is in a good place.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-86789549685860328512008-10-22T14:54:00.000-04:002008-10-22T15:05:42.269-04:00Chemistry...What is it?Chemistry.<br /><br />How do you define it when it comes to a relationship?<br /><br />I was way on a weekend at Omega recently to hear the author Joan Anderson who wrote A Weekend to Change Your Life, among other bestselling books, as seen on Oprah. <br /><br />She was very down-to-earth, with a strong message to share about the possibilities for reinventing your life so you can achieve happiness, reach goals, overcome fear, reinforce relationships, etc.<br /><br />One gal in the audience asked the question, how do you know if you have chemistry with someone?<br /><br />Anderson is not a relationship expert, so I almost felt like jumping up and sharing my two cents worth, but I didn't want to overstep my bounds. Plus, I wasn't there wearing my "author/love coach hat". I was a participant like everyone else.<br /><br />But, it got me thinking. And, I did wind up approaching the woman who asked the question to share some thoughts.<br /><br />It became evident to me that there is no one way to define chemistry.<br /><br />You want to know you have it in a partner, but what is it exactly?<br /><br />It is natural to first be attracted to someone on a physical level. And, for some, that would be how they define chemistry. But, it's really not that simple because you may be attracted to someone for various reasons. And, it could actually go against your physical type. You might think you like blondes, but a brunette might get you going if they have other traits that resonate with you. <br /><br />For example, if someone makes you laugh, that is very appealing. If you enjoy someone's mind, that's a big plus. If you can make easy and on-going conversation with someone, that is desirable. If you embrace similar interests, that's cool. If you are open to each other's differences and applaud them (and are confident you could live with them), that can be empowering.<br /><br />So, when you think about and yearn for chemistry with a potential mate, be aware that chemistry comes in different packages. <br /><br />Make sure you give people a chance. Don't judge a book by it's cover only. You'll do yourself and the other person a big disservice.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-26972715141418352202008-10-07T13:09:00.000-04:002008-10-07T13:39:26.547-04:00Be a Mensch to Find a MenschI recently had a bit of a falling out with someone I've known casually over the years. I had asked for some information, thinking we were supportive/respectful of each other, and one thing led to the next.....it was not something I expected.<br /><br />Got me thinking about the notion of one hand washing the other.<br /><br />I've always been someone who takes pride in helping others. I imagine that's part of the reason my work as a love coach is so gratifying to me. And, why I've chosen to write self help books.<br /><br />I consider myself to be someone who is generous with their time and advice (to the best of my ability), and hope that others will do the same in return. I try to be a team player and have always believed that what comes around, goes around. My philosophy is we can all get much further in life if we support each other.<br /><br />In my mind, the bottomline is, it's about being a mensch.<br /><br />If you want to find and potentially marry a mensch (decent person), it takes one to know one.<br /><br />Do you do good for others (without getting paid for it)?<br />Do you do any volunteer work?<br />Do you put others before yourself at times?<br />Do you always expect things in return?<br /><br />Part of making a contribution to this world is in the giving. <br /><br />Look at actor/philanthropist Paul Newman, may he rest in peace. He was able to use his high profile status and earnings to ultimately give back to others in a big way. There's a lot to be said for that. And, he had an enduring marriage to actress Joanne Woodward. Something to aspire to..... <br /><br />Do you consider yourself a mensch? In what regard? <br /><br />Why would you deserve to find one, if you don't hold yourself up to the same standards?<br /><br />Take a hard look at yourself and how you spend your time. Granted everyone is busy these days, but you'd be surprised how little gestures can add up. You don't have to do major volunteer work if your schedule doesn't permit, but there's all kinds of ways to help others.<br /><br />Give it some serious thought, and you'll be all the better for it, and your love life may benefit in the long run as well.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-55326119819529318582008-09-22T13:30:00.000-04:002008-09-22T14:05:48.922-04:00Pack Your BagsIt is so easy to get stuck in a rut.<br /><br />It happens to all of us, whether single or otherwise.<br /><br />Last week I had the opportunity to tag along for a couple of days with my husband who attended a conference for work in Nashville.<br /><br />I had never been there before, and didn't know what to expect. He was basically at the conference 24/7 and otherwise was hanging with guys from his office. So, I was in solo mode.<br /><br />It's been a long time since I've been doing my own thing. While I work from home, I'm always rushing to get stuff done before my son comes home from Kindergarten. So, being on vacation and feeling somewhat free from immediate responsibility was totally liberating. <br /><br />It made me think back to my solo days when it felt like the world was my oyster. And, being in Nashville especially brought that back to mind. It is such a town filled with creativity and aspirations and driven talent yearning to be discovered. You could feel the vibe throughout the town. And, many of the songs they sing are ballads are: looking for love, love gone wrong, or celebrating relationships.<br /><br />I never thought about how much songwriters put their emotions out there, and how universal the subject of love is. We'd like to think our experiences are unique, but clearly, finding and keeping love is something we all want and can find challenging. Whether it's about emptiness, walking away, not picking up the phone, etc., there is plenty of material on the subject. All you have to do is check out an appealing young songwriter/singer named Tammy Fowler (who I saw perform at the famous Bluebird Cafe), to hear some of the sentiment. You can find her at www.tammyfowler.com.<br /><br />What struck me also about my Nashville trip is how important it is to expose ourselves to new experiences. While I'm not particularly a country music lover, Nashville is so much more than that. It's a town for rockers as well, and even pop country. I never expected to enjoy being so immersed in music, and when you're trying to socialize and feeling stuck, a dose of change could be just what you need. Consider packing your bags, if you can and get away. Even if it's just an overnight. It can be so rejuvenating and give you a new mindset that you might not have thought possible. And, from that can come inspiration and hope, and you never know who you'll meet.<br /><br />PS: I will be speaking at Canyon Ranch in Tucson late October, if you're looking for a destination.<br /><br />PPS: My book HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH is currently on sale...buy one, get one free. Drop me a note if you're interested in an autographed copy. rgnewman@optonline.netRobin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-65261214788898657552008-09-08T15:42:00.000-04:002008-09-08T21:26:37.056-04:00Mom in the PoolWhat kind of parents...and mom do you have?<br /><br />I had a funny experience this weekend. While in our community pool, working on my crawl stroke (it's my new goal to learn how to swim well), a woman wearing a swimcap approached me in the water. She looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place her for the moment with her water-logged appearance.<br /><br />She asked what my last name was, and how she might reach me.<br /><br />I wasn't exactly prepared to network, but I told her I actually had a love coaching business card in my pocketbook that was poolside near my husband who was reclining on a lounge chair. <br /><br />She exited the pool, and when she took off her swimcap and shook out her hair, I realized she was the mother of a 40 something girl I had met the week prior at the pool. The girl happens to live in the same building as my mother-in-law who was at the pool with us that day.<br /><br />My mother-in-law mentioned that I wrote HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH, and the girl commented that she had the book but had yet to read it. Her mother had bought it for her some time back.<br /><br />After the girl left, the mother commented to me that she is a "tough" one.<br /><br />I wondered what that meant. I assumed, at least in part, that the mother thought her daughter was being particular about her choice of date. That may or may not be the case, but clearly, this is a mother who loves her daughter and wants to see her settled.<br /><br />It got me thinking. <br /><br />How does she come across to her daughter? No doubt she shows concern, but to what extent? Is she critical of her daughters socializing efforts, or possible lack thereof?<br /><br />On one hand, your mother can be a huge supporter. But, it can also be challenging if she is feeling a loss over the fact that you are single. No doubt she wants you to be happy, but you don't want to feel pressure due to her hopes for you.<br /><br />If your parents are your role models in terms of having a happy marriage, that can make a big, positive difference. It's something to aspire to. I've seen cases where parental divorce can lead a son or daughter to have commitment concerns or fears. This is so unfortunate because who's to say you will follow in their footsteps in a bad way?<br /><br />We all make our own choices in life. Our parents want what is best for us, but we have to follow our own path, whether it comes to finding love, or other matters.<br /><br />How do your parents figure into your dating life? Are they supportive, or do they feel meddling? I'm curious to hear your experiences, if you'd like share and post a comment on this blog. Look forward to hearing from you.<br /><br />NOTE: IF YOU'D LIKE TO PURCHASE AN AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH, I AM OFFERING THE BOOK AT A VERY SPECIAL PRICE...BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE. DROP ME A NOTE IF YOU ARE INTERESTED -- RGNEWMAN@OPTONLINE.NET. IT MAKES A GREAT GIFT!Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-91182169535386234632008-08-24T12:22:00.000-04:002008-08-24T12:46:01.108-04:00A "Quickie": Meeting the Presidential Couple the Clintons - Special Book OfferI am just back from vacation and swamped, as you can imagine.<br /><br />Hope you are enjoying what is left of the summer.<br /><br />It is flying by.<br /><br />Wanted to write a "quickie" post, to keep in touch, and share with you a totally cool experience I had while away.<br /><br />I was vacationing with my family at our annual summer spot, Mohonk Mountain House in New Paltz, NY. I highly recommend it if you enjoy beautiful scenery, the mountains, water, hiking, etc. A real gem of a place!<br /><br />We've been going for the last 7+ years each August.<br /><br />Mohonk is known to have a celebrity clientele, since it is such a special resort. This year, was a particularly surreal experience. <br /><br />I had the opportunity to meet former President Bill Clinton and the Mrs...Hillary. They stayed one night, and I had heard they were in the House.<br /><br />Being the consummate author/book promoter that I am, I quickly signed a copy of my book and threw it in a tote bag, and went in search of them. I was on mission to give them a copy of HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH.<br /><br />I was unsuccessful the first day, and went to sleep disappointed. The following morning, my sister mentioned to me at breakfast that she had just seen them in the gift shop.<br /><br />I went racing down there, and walked right into them and their team of Secret Service, and Mohonk security. What a thrill!<br /><br />I patiently waited for an opportunity to speak to Hillary, but she was quite busy schmoozing. <br /><br />Then, I spied Mr. former President standing in a corner looking through a stack of Mohonk t-shirts. I approached a Secret Serviceman and asked if it was ok if I gave a copy of my book to Pres. Clinton, and after looking it over, he said "yes."<br /><br />So, I approached Mr. President...tapped him on the arm to get his attention.....and handed him HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH. He was wearing reading glasses, and stood quite tall, as he lowered them and took the book. He looked at me and then the cover and smiled and said something to the effect, "I like this...you should tell Hillary." I replied, "I will and perhaps it might interest some of his single friends."<br /><br />I was awestruck! It didn't really sink in until afterwards.<br /><br />I wrote in the book to them: "to a mensch of a political couple" (I wasn't sure quite what to write. What do you say to a former Pres. and his powerful political wife?)<br /><br />It was a fleeting exchange, but it meant a lot, and I then walked over to Hillary who shook my hand, and said it was nice to meet me.<br /><br />Quite a once in a lifetime experience!<br /><br />I didn't have the nerve to ask for a photo with them, though the author/publicist in me knew it would have been a totally amazing photo opp. I did take a quick shot of them amongst a crowd, with my cell phone, which came out grainy because I was in a hurry and shook my hand.<br /><br />Mohonk was nice enough to give me a shot of Pres. Clinton, which I appreciated.<br /><br />As an author, when my book first came out, one of the greatest thrills for me was knowing that people would buy it and read it. Now, I can add to that, knowing that a former President and his wife held my words in their hands. <br /><br />I was thinking afterwards that I could have suggested they pass it on to Chelsea. Certainly marrying a mensch (decent person) would be something her parents would no doubt hope she'd do.<br /><br />NOTE: IF YOU'D LIKE TO PURCHASE AN AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH, I AM OFFERING THE BOOK AT A VERY SPECIAL PRICE...BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE. DROP ME A NOTE IF YOU ARE INTERESTED -- RGNEWMAN@OPTONLINE.NET. IT MAKES A GREAT GIFT! AND YOU CAN SAY YOU HAVE THE BOOK GIVEN TO THE CLINTONS!!Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-30147386331751679282008-08-05T16:42:00.000-04:002008-08-09T19:23:16.116-04:00Facing OurselvesIt is sometimes hard to face ourselves.<br /><br />I was speaking with a single female love coaching client recently who told me she consulted with a psychic about her love life. The psychic clearly told her some things that were very hard to hear. She said that they were holding her back from moving forward. My client didn’t want to admit it at first because it was somewhat painful facing the truth, but then she realized that the psychic was in fact right on.<br /><br />The bottomline, the psychic said, is that she had unresolved issues in her life. And, that working on them would be an important step in her personal growth that was essential before she could romantically partner with someone successfully for the long run. <br /><br />While my client felt sure that she is ready to meet Mr. Right Mensch now, she admitted that she is still holding on a bit to unresolved feelings for a past boyfriend, and that there are other aspects of her life she'd like to improve.<br /><br />I am sharing this story with you because we all go through challenges in life. And, before you can realistically expect to meet your life partner, you want to be in the best possible place/space for yourself.<br /><br />So, while it might not be easy, take a close look at yourself. What expectations do you have for your life? What are you in pursuit of for the long run? Do you feel optimistic about where you're headed? Do you want to move? Do you still find yourself thinking about past loves?<br /><br />These are all valid questions to ask. And, don't judge yourself if you don't like your response. Be honest. Even talk it through with a close friend, if it helps.<br /><br />The key is to admit where you're at this very moment, so you can then work toward inviting love into your life.<br /><br />PS -- If you are single and a fan of my book HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH (decent person), join the new Facebook group http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=35396093120Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-54110038911814762512008-07-25T20:28:00.000-04:002008-07-26T10:06:25.106-04:00ChangeI was at the gym the other night, and I got to talking with one of the girls working out.<br /><br />She had been speaking with her trainer about her engaged brother who is planning a wedding. The parents of the bride had planned to pay for the affair, but the groom's parents opted to split the cost because they wanted to be able to offer opinions, be included on the invitation, etc.<br /><br />And, then she proceeded to share how her brother's fiance can be a bit of a "challenge." That already she has seen rifts between her and her brother. And, the fiance is in fact meeting with the mother of the groom in the next week or so in an effort to clear the air.<br /><br />Being a proponent, as you know, if you've been reading this blog, of mensches making the best marriage material, I wondered what kind of woman we are speaking of here. While I have never met her, we got into a discussion at the gym about change and relationships.<br /><br />My feeling is that people don't typically change.<br /><br />If you are marrying someone with the hope that they have the potential to become a different person, I don't think that's particularly realistic.<br /><br />Sure, we all influence each other. It is possible for people to cultivate new interests. Try out new skills. Change their wardrobe. Get a updated haircut....etc....etc.<br /><br />However, people don't alter their basic character.<br /><br />What you see is what you get in that sense.<br /><br />So, when you are dating someone, trust your gut. If there is something about their behavior that you question, don't sweep it under the rug. There's only so many dustballs you want under that rug.<br /><br />You can't make someone more fun than they are. You can't give them a sense of humor. You can't change their sense of responsibility. You can't make them close to their friends, if friendship isn't important to them. <br /><br />And, as life packs on more responsibility, things can get more challenging, especially if you add children to that equation.<br /><br />So, don't fool yourself into thinking that little fights don't matter. Sure, no relationship is perfect, and you want to be open and express you opinion even if it leads to a disagreement. But, if you fight regularly or don't see eye to eye about things that matter most to you in life, then that won't get better.<br /><br />And, it shouldn't be your goal to get someone to follow your belief system. They are entitled to their own. Sharing passions is one thing. But your life's work isn't to shape them into what you hope they would be.<br /><br />I have heard couples say that their mate makes them a better person. And, that is great. But, you can't lay in wait for that to happen. You need to choose wisely.<br /><br />Once a mensch (decent person), always a mensch. That's what you should strive for.<br /><br /><br />PS -- Check out the site http://www.singlefilm.com. The cousin of a friend of mine made this really cool independent film regarding single life, and it is very empowering and insightful.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-76165320304349737892008-07-17T13:43:00.001-04:002008-07-17T15:16:55.688-04:00The Third Right: Right PlaceYou've probably been waiting with baited breath for Right #3 (LOL) -- well here goes.<br /><br />It's The Right Place.<br /><br />I am referring to your choice of socializing avenues.<br /><br />You ideally want to put yourself where you're going to find the opposite sex in numbers. The odds of making a love connection may then be all the more in your favor.<br /><br />As obvious as this may sound, you may not necessarily doing it.<br /><br />Do you tend to pursue activities that are convenient and familiar to you? Have you been going to the same functions, bars, mixers, etc. for the last 10 years, with little success? <br /><br />If the answer is yes, it's time to shake things up and perhaps step out of your comfort zone, even if just a bit.<br /><br />Of late, I've been working with a number of single women love coaching clients who want to take advantage of the summer weather. Though the heat can be rough, it's also an opportunity to get outdoors. And, if you want to meet a guy, engaging in something physical is a great way to go.<br /><br />For example, consider going on a hike, taking up biking, or going on white water rafting trip. How about participating in a sports league, etc. There are so many options, and you don't have to necessarily be a jock. <br /><br />Other ideas for meeting men .....attend a networking function, a business breakfast, join a speech making group, take a class, i.e. architecture. <br /><br />Be creative. Think out of the box. Ask your male friends or relatives or co-workers for ideas. Check out a magazine like Men's Journal for ideas.<br /><br />If you're a guy looking to meet a women, why not consider cultural pursuits? Take a film class. Go to an art exhibit or a fundraiser supporting an arts cause. Take a Pilates or yoga class. Sign up for a walking tour for shoppers (yes, they exist).<br /><br />No doubt most of these activities would be female-dominated, and that is what you want. The more you surround yourself with women, especially if you're all engaged in an activity, the easier it is to break the ice and start a conversation.<br /><br />Take a hard look at your socializing efforts, and throw in some of the above. You'll have fun, while you put yourself out there in a way that can work to your socializing advantage.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-62678134032543460062008-07-10T10:34:00.001-04:002008-07-10T21:30:41.101-04:00The Second Right: Right AttitudeAs I mentioned in my previous blog post, there are Three Rights that are considered important in my book, when you are seeking a mate.<br /><br />The first, Right Time, was discussed.<br /><br />Now I'm going to shed light on the second, Right Attitude.<br /><br />Right attitude refers to staying positive, keeping an open mind, and being approachable.<br /><br />You give off vibes you might not even be aware of.<br /><br />If your tendency is to walk into a room, anxiously size up the crowd, and decide in no time that it's not for you, your attitude could use some adjustment. How can you really tell that quickly if there is no one you would connect with? <br /><br />If you are sincerely open-minded, you will give someone the opportunity to show his or her true self through in-depth conversation. Only then can you attempt to reach some level of conclusion. You certainly can't judge someone just based on looks.<br /><br />You might also find that Mr. or Ms. Right Mensch does not present him or herself at the onset. If you are at a social function, the person could be the quiet, shy one standing in a corner, not entirely confortable with the scene. You might have had times when you felt like that.<br /><br />You can potentially boost his or her confidence by coming across with a positive attitude and initiating a conversation.<br /><br />I once spoke at a Jewish singles function held at a popular synagogue in Manhattan. I had brought along three single girlfriends at the time who were hoping to meet someone. While they listened to my speech, as soon as I was done, they bolted out the door. They were so eager to get home that they didn't make an attempt to speak with anyone. And, I was approached by a bunch of attractive guys afterwards who had questions to ask. I scanned the room in an attempt to find my friends and connect them with the guys, but they were already out the front door.<br /><br />I later told them that I thought they had lost out and that they didn't have the right attitude. <br /><br />It's not enough to put yourself in a social environment. An optimistic attitude has to come with you. Then, at least you'll know you made a concerted socializing effort and didn't just show up, regardless of the outcome of the event.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8667034409395085789.post-92059017960083969202008-07-01T20:43:00.000-04:002008-07-01T22:04:06.592-04:00The Three Rights: Right #1 -- The Right TimeIn my book, How to Marry a Mensch, and in the workshops I teach, one of the key points I make is the importance of the Three Rights.<br /><br />I'm going to discuss one of them right now, and will shed light on the next two in blog posts to follow.<br /><br />The first Right is the Right Time.<br /><br />When you are out there in the socializing arena, you cannot discount the importance of timing.<br /><br />In part it is fate when you meet your Mr. or Ms. Right Mensch. Sure you have to put yourself out there, but as you know, it's out of your hands when it will actually happen.<br /><br />That said, when you do connect with someone, the bigger challenge is to be certain that you are on the same page. Meaning -- what is your relationship goal, and when do you expect/hope to achieve it?<br /><br />Are you yearning to get married? Do you want to have children tomorrow? Are you the type to live with someone first, or potentially never get married? <br /><br />You have to want the same thing as the other person at the same time. Otherwise, it will not work out.<br /><br />And, in my book/humble opinion, I don't believe that someone will rise to the occasion. I have worked with singles....women in particular....who are of the opinion that if a guy likes them enough, even if marriage isn't top on his To Do list, he will change his priorities if he falls in love. Certainly this is a possibility, but how likely is it? <br /><br />You have to take a look at where the person is at in their life. For example, if they're not settled in their career, they're not going to be buying the wedding ring any time soon if they want to have a particular income. <br /><br />If they have a ton of single friends who they like to hang out with, they may not want to walk down the aisle all too soon.<br /><br />If they aspire to go back to school, they may not want to get married in the immediate future.<br /><br />If their parents didn't have a great marriage, they may be altar shy altogether.<br /><br />So...the bottomline is, make sure to consider the Right Time when you are dating someone, so you don't waste valuable time. People don't just rise to the occasion. They have to be commitment-minded first. Even if you are madly in love, you have to want the same thing at the same time.Robin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.com0