What is Too Fast?

I did a phone consult with one of my love coaching clients this past week. She checks in with me periodically when she has a burning issue. She's been successful in meeting men since we formally worked together some time back, but she remains on the quest for her forever Mr. Right Mensch. She is young enough not to have to feel rushed, yet she would like to settle into a relationship that has future potential. She's far from a serial dater.

Her question for me this time had to do with....what is too fast?

She recently got introduced by a friend to a guy she has dated three times. She speaks to him frequently during the week, and thus far, they've gone out once/week. They go out to dinner and wind up back at his place. He has already officially asked her to date him exclusively, and on date #1, he tried to get her into bed. She agreed to the exclusivity, but not to the sex. She felt it premature, and wondered what I thought. She said she felt in general that he was trying to move things along too quickly.

We talked about his dating history....what little she knew....he had shared info. re: some of his previous conquests.

Much of it sounded to me like a less than confident guy trying to build himself up. That was my knee jerk reaction, and she actually agreed. Why so much talk so early on in the dating scenario about sex, exclusivity, etc. In my opinion, less is more. And, there's something to be said for a little intrigue. And, what about the romantic gestures? Where is the courting? If you jump into the sack, but a one night stand or strictly sexual relationship isn't your goal, then where do you go from there?

I suggested to her that they spend more time on future dates just having fun, and avoid going back to his apartment. Weather-permitting, spend time outdoors, for example, and get to know each other. Let the relationship take it's natural course, and enjoy the process. You only have one courtship phase and you can't turn back the clock, so take it for all its worth. Relish the romance.

The Right Mate

My husband and I just celebrated our 15 year wedding anniversary. Quite a milestone, I must say. The years sure do go fast. And, now we have a four year old son, so life is full.

As I look back over these past 15 years, we have been through a lot together as a couple. Happy times. Challenging times. Change. Loss. Disappointment. Elation. You name it. The gamut of emotions.

And, what has become very evident to me is the criticalness of knowing yourself, as you endeavor to find a mate. You want to choose wisely before you walk down the aisle.

It is so important to be happy as an individual, and to know that the right partner could enhance your life, but that you'd also be okay without one. You don't want to approach matrimony from a place of insecurity because you don't want to be alone. Approaching it from a positive perspective is the way to go.

And, part of choosing wisely is to find a mensch. How do you recognize a mensch, and why should you want one? A mensch will truly stand the test of time. They will be there for you, offering love and support, no matter what. You won't have to question their level of commitment to the relationship because you will know it through their behavior. You, in turn, need to be a mensch, so that you are both appreciated.

I'm so grateful that I found my Mr. Right Mensch, and I hope you will find yours too.