I did a phone consult with one of my love coaching clients this past week. She checks in with me periodically when she has a burning issue. She's been successful in meeting men since we formally worked together some time back, but she remains on the quest for her forever Mr. Right Mensch. She is young enough not to have to feel rushed, yet she would like to settle into a relationship that has future potential. She's far from a serial dater.
Her question for me this time had to do with....what is too fast?
She recently got introduced by a friend to a guy she has dated three times. She speaks to him frequently during the week, and thus far, they've gone out once/week. They go out to dinner and wind up back at his place. He has already officially asked her to date him exclusively, and on date #1, he tried to get her into bed. She agreed to the exclusivity, but not to the sex. She felt it premature, and wondered what I thought. She said she felt in general that he was trying to move things along too quickly.
We talked about his dating history....what little she knew....he had shared info. re: some of his previous conquests.
Much of it sounded to me like a less than confident guy trying to build himself up. That was my knee jerk reaction, and she actually agreed. Why so much talk so early on in the dating scenario about sex, exclusivity, etc. In my opinion, less is more. And, there's something to be said for a little intrigue. And, what about the romantic gestures? Where is the courting? If you jump into the sack, but a one night stand or strictly sexual relationship isn't your goal, then where do you go from there?
I suggested to her that they spend more time on future dates just having fun, and avoid going back to his apartment. Weather-permitting, spend time outdoors, for example, and get to know each other. Let the relationship take it's natural course, and enjoy the process. You only have one courtship phase and you can't turn back the clock, so take it for all its worth. Relish the romance.