I spoke with a single friend today who made the comment "It's an Inner Job," and I couldn't agree more. And, I like the way she phrased it.
What did she mean?
We were talking about the challenges of dating. She is single and has had a steady string of failed relationships. She is now 50, and looks back on her choices and realizes she wasted a lot of time with men who weren't truly suitable for her.
Her most recent relationship lasted about 8 years, and it was never totally smooth-sailing. I'm not saying that any relationship is without flaws or bumps along the way. But, it should enhance your life and not feel like constant work.
Since that break-up, she has done a lot of thinking....reading....and self-introspection. And, she has emerged with greater clarity.
As she thinks back, she is able to admit that she, herself, wasn't in the best place. If she had truly felt good about herself inside, she would have more readily seen how this relationship was not an empowering one for her. But, she was wounded and coming from a place of need...not one of strength.
We need to take a care of our bodies and souls. Going to the gym or maintaining some level of fitness and good health is essential for self care. And, it shows. But, what doesn't immediately show is how your feel inside. It's so easy to walk around with demons, insecurities, etc., and no one would know it. We all have them, but to different degrees. But, it can lead you to seek out others like yourself, and that isn't necessarily the best match.
So, step back. Get quiet. Slow down. Get a good night's sleep. Try meditation or yoga. And, see what comes up for you. Talk to others. Share what you feel. And, work on your inner being. Time can be very healing. And, for the sake of your future relationships, you want to come from as positive a place as possible.