Friday, January 11, 2008

Ready or Not?

Are you truly ready for a relationship, or do you just think you are? You may not know the difference.

Recently I coached a single guy in his 40s who is divorced and has two children. He was looking for a fix-up, ideally, and I was able to introduce him to a friend of a friend (though I am not a matchmaker). I had not met the woman, but it sounded like it was worth pursuing.

They had one date, and it didn't go all that smoothly. Conversation flowed, according to him, but it got awkward when he made a comment about her wedding band. The woman is widowed, and though it's been some time, she wears her wedding band. Albeit on her right hand, but it's there.

He didn't know what to make of it, so it became a part of their discussion. She felt defensive, and he reached the conclusion that she isn't truly open to a new relationship as yet. While this may or may not be true, it is how he felt. The wedding band spoke volumes to him, and not in a positive way. He respected the love she had for her husband, but was seeking assurance that her heart was truly open for someone new, and he wasn't convinced.

Whether you know it or not, we all give off vibes. If you are on a date with someone, or trying to mingle at a social event, your actions, even if unspoken, speak volumes. Put yourself in the other person's shoes, and consider how it might come across to them. This is especially true if someone is socially insecure and you don't know it. If they're not a confident dater, it's easy for them to question your intentions, putting a damper on your get together. And, if it's a blind date, this is all the truer, because they tend to be somewhat awkard initially to begin with.

So, think about what it is that you really want and how that can be best communicated. And, don't discount things that might signal disinterest to a potential suitor.

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