Tuesday, July 1, 2008

The Three Rights: Right #1 -- The Right Time

In my book, How to Marry a Mensch, and in the workshops I teach, one of the key points I make is the importance of the Three Rights.

I'm going to discuss one of them right now, and will shed light on the next two in blog posts to follow.

The first Right is the Right Time.

When you are out there in the socializing arena, you cannot discount the importance of timing.

In part it is fate when you meet your Mr. or Ms. Right Mensch. Sure you have to put yourself out there, but as you know, it's out of your hands when it will actually happen.

That said, when you do connect with someone, the bigger challenge is to be certain that you are on the same page. Meaning -- what is your relationship goal, and when do you expect/hope to achieve it?

Are you yearning to get married? Do you want to have children tomorrow? Are you the type to live with someone first, or potentially never get married?

You have to want the same thing as the other person at the same time. Otherwise, it will not work out.

And, in my book/humble opinion, I don't believe that someone will rise to the occasion. I have worked with singles....women in particular....who are of the opinion that if a guy likes them enough, even if marriage isn't top on his To Do list, he will change his priorities if he falls in love. Certainly this is a possibility, but how likely is it?

You have to take a look at where the person is at in their life. For example, if they're not settled in their career, they're not going to be buying the wedding ring any time soon if they want to have a particular income.

If they have a ton of single friends who they like to hang out with, they may not want to walk down the aisle all too soon.

If they aspire to go back to school, they may not want to get married in the immediate future.

If their parents didn't have a great marriage, they may be altar shy altogether.

So...the bottomline is, make sure to consider the Right Time when you are dating someone, so you don't waste valuable time. People don't just rise to the occasion. They have to be commitment-minded first. Even if you are madly in love, you have to want the same thing at the same time.

No comments: