I attended a networking luncheon this week for enterprising women, and I entered into an interesting, and unexpected, discussion with one of the attendees.
We went around the room, introducing ourselves, so that we could connect with each other after the meal, exchange business cards, etc. People laughed when I annouced my book HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH, as they often do. It typically raises curiosity and discussion from singles in the room.
As I was preparing to leave, a woman approached me. Being the love coach that I am, I immediately thought she was going to ask me about meeting someone, and the wheels started to turn about my dad's friend who I blogged about earlier. Hmmmm...maybe she could be someone for him?
That wasn't what she had in mind. Turned out she is a speech pathologist/coach and works with individuals looking to improve their speaking voices. She wondered if any of my coaching clients ever had that need, or if I could suggest how she might target the singles arena to promote her service.
She raised a point that is very valid. You can look great and have a lot to offer a potential mate, but do the tables turn when you open your mouth? What is the quality of your voice? Is it pleasing? Do you have an accent that you'd like to work on? Are you easily comprehensible? What is the manner of your speech?
Whether on a personal, or professional level, your voice says a lot about you. It's something, beyond the obvious, to think about when you're out there socializing. For example, if you are pursuing online dating and mostly emailing prospective dates....what happens when you ultimately either speak on the phone or meet? Until then, they hadn't heard your voice. Is it a turn-on or turn-off? You can work on it, if need be.
Don't just make a statement with what you say, but consider your delivery as well. It is within your control to put your best speaking voice forward, and you're worth it.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Building Conversation Skills
My dad has a friend who is divorced with two grown kids. He's been on his own for quite some time, and as much as he loves women, he's not looking to get remarried. He was left with a lot of hurt from his first wife. Things did not end amicably, and he carries with him considerable bitterness. Thankfully, not toward women in general.
He is retired, so has plenty of time on his hands. His routine du jour has becoming frequenting java hangouts. Sure, he loves coffee....good coffee....but the ritual goes beyond that. Coffee joints have become his place to oggle, and he has it down to a science.
His top two spots are Starbuck's and Dunkin Donuts. On any given day he is at one or the other or both. He prefers the coffee at DD to Starbuck's, but likes the women better at Starbuck's. He says it attracts a more upscale, professional crowd. And, he would know. He's there early in the morning as they are likely on their way to the office. And, he oggles.
Now.....I see nothing wrong with oggling per se. However, doesn't it get frustrating? He's respectful about it. He enjoys admiring women...but wouldn't he also like to talk to them? He is shy. So, he looks from afar.
My dad, on the other hand, will talk to almost anyone....to a fault at times. He has always been Mr. Social.
So....it got me thinking. One of the points I always make when I lecture to singles is that you can't just show up someplace. You have to involve yourself. Smile at people, get a conversation going, etc. I will address the subject of flirting at length in a future post, but I want you to think about those situations where you choose not to endeavor to speak to someone. Oggling is always an option, but in the long run, you'll probably be a lot happier if you worked on your conversation skills.
He is retired, so has plenty of time on his hands. His routine du jour has becoming frequenting java hangouts. Sure, he loves coffee....good coffee....but the ritual goes beyond that. Coffee joints have become his place to oggle, and he has it down to a science.
His top two spots are Starbuck's and Dunkin Donuts. On any given day he is at one or the other or both. He prefers the coffee at DD to Starbuck's, but likes the women better at Starbuck's. He says it attracts a more upscale, professional crowd. And, he would know. He's there early in the morning as they are likely on their way to the office. And, he oggles.
Now.....I see nothing wrong with oggling per se. However, doesn't it get frustrating? He's respectful about it. He enjoys admiring women...but wouldn't he also like to talk to them? He is shy. So, he looks from afar.
My dad, on the other hand, will talk to almost anyone....to a fault at times. He has always been Mr. Social.
So....it got me thinking. One of the points I always make when I lecture to singles is that you can't just show up someplace. You have to involve yourself. Smile at people, get a conversation going, etc. I will address the subject of flirting at length in a future post, but I want you to think about those situations where you choose not to endeavor to speak to someone. Oggling is always an option, but in the long run, you'll probably be a lot happier if you worked on your conversation skills.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Making Time for Romance
I was asked this week to offer comment for an upcoming story to run in a magazine on igniting romance. They are planning ahead for Valentine's Day, and contacted me for ideas.
It got me thinking. So many people I know spend the bulk of their time rushing. We are in constant TO DO list mode. And, even when it comes to dating, people are often quick to make decisions about compatibility or physical attraction based on their knee jerk reaction. And, when we do find someone who holds promise, or enter into a relationship, it is easy to coast along once you get used to each other. But, things can get dull, and every day life sets in.
So....what to do to keep romance alive, or to create a truly special date experience that you'll both remember?
One suggestion I have...and something I did for my husband back in our early courtship days.....is a Boudoir Evening. It is totally fun, and can be as elaborate, or more simply done, as you'd like.
Start by sending the person a playful, yet sexy invitation. Spray it with your favorite perfume, kiss it with your lipstick imprint, and invite them to join you for a special evening, but don't reveal the details. Host it at your place, if you don't live together. Get home earlier than usual. Order in from your favorite restaurant or cook a meal you know he'll love. Set the table with candles and wine. Play romantic, dance music. Greet him in a robe or beautiful negligee.....whatever frock that makes you feel good about yourself. Scatter rose petals on the bed, and have on hand some scented massage lotion.
Let the rest speak for itself. He will be so blown away at your efforts, that you'll both be asking for future Boudoir evenings, and next time, let him stage one for you. You'll never for get it, and it will be worth all the effort. Romance will be ignited for sure.
It got me thinking. So many people I know spend the bulk of their time rushing. We are in constant TO DO list mode. And, even when it comes to dating, people are often quick to make decisions about compatibility or physical attraction based on their knee jerk reaction. And, when we do find someone who holds promise, or enter into a relationship, it is easy to coast along once you get used to each other. But, things can get dull, and every day life sets in.
So....what to do to keep romance alive, or to create a truly special date experience that you'll both remember?
One suggestion I have...and something I did for my husband back in our early courtship days.....is a Boudoir Evening. It is totally fun, and can be as elaborate, or more simply done, as you'd like.
Start by sending the person a playful, yet sexy invitation. Spray it with your favorite perfume, kiss it with your lipstick imprint, and invite them to join you for a special evening, but don't reveal the details. Host it at your place, if you don't live together. Get home earlier than usual. Order in from your favorite restaurant or cook a meal you know he'll love. Set the table with candles and wine. Play romantic, dance music. Greet him in a robe or beautiful negligee.....whatever frock that makes you feel good about yourself. Scatter rose petals on the bed, and have on hand some scented massage lotion.
Let the rest speak for itself. He will be so blown away at your efforts, that you'll both be asking for future Boudoir evenings, and next time, let him stage one for you. You'll never for get it, and it will be worth all the effort. Romance will be ignited for sure.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
What is Too Fast?
I did a phone consult with one of my love coaching clients this past week. She checks in with me periodically when she has a burning issue. She's been successful in meeting men since we formally worked together some time back, but she remains on the quest for her forever Mr. Right Mensch. She is young enough not to have to feel rushed, yet she would like to settle into a relationship that has future potential. She's far from a serial dater.
Her question for me this time had to do with....what is too fast?
She recently got introduced by a friend to a guy she has dated three times. She speaks to him frequently during the week, and thus far, they've gone out once/week. They go out to dinner and wind up back at his place. He has already officially asked her to date him exclusively, and on date #1, he tried to get her into bed. She agreed to the exclusivity, but not to the sex. She felt it premature, and wondered what I thought. She said she felt in general that he was trying to move things along too quickly.
We talked about his dating history....what little she knew....he had shared info. re: some of his previous conquests.
Much of it sounded to me like a less than confident guy trying to build himself up. That was my knee jerk reaction, and she actually agreed. Why so much talk so early on in the dating scenario about sex, exclusivity, etc. In my opinion, less is more. And, there's something to be said for a little intrigue. And, what about the romantic gestures? Where is the courting? If you jump into the sack, but a one night stand or strictly sexual relationship isn't your goal, then where do you go from there?
I suggested to her that they spend more time on future dates just having fun, and avoid going back to his apartment. Weather-permitting, spend time outdoors, for example, and get to know each other. Let the relationship take it's natural course, and enjoy the process. You only have one courtship phase and you can't turn back the clock, so take it for all its worth. Relish the romance.
Her question for me this time had to do with....what is too fast?
She recently got introduced by a friend to a guy she has dated three times. She speaks to him frequently during the week, and thus far, they've gone out once/week. They go out to dinner and wind up back at his place. He has already officially asked her to date him exclusively, and on date #1, he tried to get her into bed. She agreed to the exclusivity, but not to the sex. She felt it premature, and wondered what I thought. She said she felt in general that he was trying to move things along too quickly.
We talked about his dating history....what little she knew....he had shared info. re: some of his previous conquests.
Much of it sounded to me like a less than confident guy trying to build himself up. That was my knee jerk reaction, and she actually agreed. Why so much talk so early on in the dating scenario about sex, exclusivity, etc. In my opinion, less is more. And, there's something to be said for a little intrigue. And, what about the romantic gestures? Where is the courting? If you jump into the sack, but a one night stand or strictly sexual relationship isn't your goal, then where do you go from there?
I suggested to her that they spend more time on future dates just having fun, and avoid going back to his apartment. Weather-permitting, spend time outdoors, for example, and get to know each other. Let the relationship take it's natural course, and enjoy the process. You only have one courtship phase and you can't turn back the clock, so take it for all its worth. Relish the romance.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
The Right Mate
My husband and I just celebrated our 15 year wedding anniversary. Quite a milestone, I must say. The years sure do go fast. And, now we have a four year old son, so life is full.
As I look back over these past 15 years, we have been through a lot together as a couple. Happy times. Challenging times. Change. Loss. Disappointment. Elation. You name it. The gamut of emotions.
And, what has become very evident to me is the criticalness of knowing yourself, as you endeavor to find a mate. You want to choose wisely before you walk down the aisle.
It is so important to be happy as an individual, and to know that the right partner could enhance your life, but that you'd also be okay without one. You don't want to approach matrimony from a place of insecurity because you don't want to be alone. Approaching it from a positive perspective is the way to go.
And, part of choosing wisely is to find a mensch. How do you recognize a mensch, and why should you want one? A mensch will truly stand the test of time. They will be there for you, offering love and support, no matter what. You won't have to question their level of commitment to the relationship because you will know it through their behavior. You, in turn, need to be a mensch, so that you are both appreciated.
I'm so grateful that I found my Mr. Right Mensch, and I hope you will find yours too.
As I look back over these past 15 years, we have been through a lot together as a couple. Happy times. Challenging times. Change. Loss. Disappointment. Elation. You name it. The gamut of emotions.
And, what has become very evident to me is the criticalness of knowing yourself, as you endeavor to find a mate. You want to choose wisely before you walk down the aisle.
It is so important to be happy as an individual, and to know that the right partner could enhance your life, but that you'd also be okay without one. You don't want to approach matrimony from a place of insecurity because you don't want to be alone. Approaching it from a positive perspective is the way to go.
And, part of choosing wisely is to find a mensch. How do you recognize a mensch, and why should you want one? A mensch will truly stand the test of time. They will be there for you, offering love and support, no matter what. You won't have to question their level of commitment to the relationship because you will know it through their behavior. You, in turn, need to be a mensch, so that you are both appreciated.
I'm so grateful that I found my Mr. Right Mensch, and I hope you will find yours too.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Welcome to My First Blog As a Love Coach
Welcome to my first blog as a Love Coach. I've been advising singles for over 10 years re: how to improve their relationships and social lives.
My career in this arena began when I wrote the books HOW TO MEET A MENSCH IN NY and HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH (decent person). I was on the lecture and publicity circuit, and at the suggestion of a friend who attended one of my talks, I decided to offer private consultations as a coach. It became clear that I could offer all kinds of tips and advice in a group setting, but no two people have the same challenges. And, not everyone, understandably, is looking to air their personal love life quandries in a public setting. Hence, my website, www.lovecoach.com, and my work in that role. I find it immensely gratifying and have worked with men and women of all ages and backgrounds, both on the phone and in person.
I welcome your comments on this Blog, and would like to address issues you want to hear about, so please don't hesitate to make suggestions.
And, if you've read my books, I'd love your feedback.
I wish you all the best in your quest for a mensch! :) They are worth the wait, in my book.
My career in this arena began when I wrote the books HOW TO MEET A MENSCH IN NY and HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH (decent person). I was on the lecture and publicity circuit, and at the suggestion of a friend who attended one of my talks, I decided to offer private consultations as a coach. It became clear that I could offer all kinds of tips and advice in a group setting, but no two people have the same challenges. And, not everyone, understandably, is looking to air their personal love life quandries in a public setting. Hence, my website, www.lovecoach.com, and my work in that role. I find it immensely gratifying and have worked with men and women of all ages and backgrounds, both on the phone and in person.
I welcome your comments on this Blog, and would like to address issues you want to hear about, so please don't hesitate to make suggestions.
And, if you've read my books, I'd love your feedback.
I wish you all the best in your quest for a mensch! :) They are worth the wait, in my book.
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