Sunday, April 13, 2008

Finding Love Where You Live

Have you ever heard the expression.....everywhere you go, there you are?!

Meaning....however you think...whatever attitude or vibe you give off, it is always with you, whether you realize it or not.

In the past week, I received emails from three single gals, interestingly, all inquiring about where they now live.

One from Europe moved to NY a year ago. And, while she enjoys Manhattan, she is surprised that her love life isn't quite what she was anticipating. She has friends here who built it up, and now she finds herself somewhat letdown.

Another lives in a resort town in the South (U.S.), and feels very isolated, but she is near her folks. She consulted with a psychic recently who said she would be moving in the next year to a town where she will ultimately find happiness romantically and otherwise. She has mixed thoughts about the change. While she hates where she lives, she also has a sense of security due to the familiarity, not to mention an established career. The unknown is both exciting and daunting to her. She is convinced she will never meet a prospective mate if she stays put.

A third lives in a large city but is considering moving to an even larger city, like NY, if the socializing opportunities are greater. She doesn't know if she should relocate. Would the odds, in fact, be in her favor if she moved, or does she just think they would be? She is doing research on the matter.

Each was asking my opinion.

While there is no guarantee that you'll find love in a particular city, it is helpful to examine the likelihood. For example, the single woman living in the resort community feels the odds are against her. While that may be so, it only takes one, so you do never know.

There are a few important points to make here.

*You want to trust your gut. If your instincts are telling you this isn't the town for you, there is something to be said for that. Hear your inner voice. But, also be sure you're not throwing the towel in prematurely. Have you really made an effort where you are?
*Change can be good. It is normal to be fearful of the unknown, though some are great at embracing it. But, don't let it hold you back. It's amazing how time helps us adjust to new circumstances, and even delight in them!
*You need to believe you can meet someone. If you are questioning the potential to connect with a potential mate, that could wind up being your fate. You want to think positive and put out that vibe. It has been said that what we think, we manifest. We are the master of our thoughts.

So, while where you live certainly can impact your social life, it's not as simple as pointing the finger at your town of choice.

Do consider the above, and remember that your single years can be a time for self exploration and experimentation. Don't let your place of residence hold you back. If you honestly feel that you can do better elsewhere, then go for it! But, remember to pack a positive mindset and not just your luggage.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

The Notorious Checklist

Do you have one?

If so, are you willing to admit it?

And, what about your friends?

Do they?

How long is it?

You know what I'm talking about. The "checklist."

It is not uncommon to have one.

Some would view it as a "wishlist." What you wish you could find in a mate, in a perfect world.

But...since we surely don't live in a perfect world (what is perfect anyway?).... how effective is a checklist really?

I'm all for identifying what is important to us. And, as a writer, by nature, I often turn to pen and paper to record my thoughts, or the computer.

What is key about writing things down is that you have it to review over 'n over again. And, this can be a very helpful task during the dating process.

What exactly is it that you desire in a person?

Can you prioritize your list?

Are you willing to accept that it's quite the challenge....if not next to "have it all"?

Ultimately, it comes down to what you can live with, and being realistic, if you truly want to find a life partner.

When I host one of my workshops for singles, I've been known to advise that you should throw half your checklist out the window.

I'm not suggesting you settle, though it may sound that way. But, if your standards are unrealistic, you will be unhappy with most people you meet. No one will measure up fully. Examine what matters most to you at the end of the day and over the long run.

And, conversely, take a look at what you have to offer in return. Make a checklist of your own strengths and weaknesses. What kind of romantic partner would you make? Are there areas in your own life that could use improving? If so, is it fair to expect so much from someone else when you have personal work to do? (And who doesn't have work to do, on some level? It's part of wanting to grow as an individual.)

We are each works-in-progress, evolving every day, and what we want/need can change over time. With age and experience often comes greater clarity.

For this reason too, having a written checklist can be telling if you tuck it away in a place (like a journal) where you can find it a year later, for example. Pull it out, and see how much of it still holds true.

I urge you to be open-minded as you go about socializing. Sometimes a prospective love interest might not look "perfect" on paper, but there's something about them that clicks/resonates with you if you give them a chance. You may be surprised...and pleasantly so.

So...don't do yourself a disservice by sticking so firmly by your trusty checklist....and don't write it in indellible ink. A little flexibility and realism can go a long way in the quest for love.