Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Monday, June 1, 2009

Robin to do Chat with Women

I will be a guest on a cool radio show on Monday, June 29th, 11:45AM EST. Hope you'll tune in. Visit to hear me that day, and it will remain posted on the site.

You can listen to the Chat With Women Radio Show 5 days a week! Pam and Rochelle bring you their pearls of wisdom, insightful tips and crafty wit.

I look forward to it, and hope you'll listen in.

Sunday, May 10, 2009


Yesterday I had a speaking gig at the Long Beach Public Library in NY.

Though I'm under the weather, I did not want to cancel. And, I was ultimately pleased with the way it worked out.

It was interesting. I wound up speaking to an almost all geriatric crowd, and what a feisty bunch they were.

I find that age makes a difference re: what I share and what is pertinent to their lifestyle. So, I tried to be conscious of this.

I invited, as I always do, comment from the audience, and there was much discussion.

One of the topics that particularly arose I'd like to discuss now.

One of the gals in the audience told attendees how she went out to socialize and was approached by a man who she wound up talking to for a bit. At the close of the conversation, he gave her his business card, in what felt like a forward manner, and told her that she should contact him and perhaps they could get together.

She did not know what to make of it and was somewhat put off by the fact that he didn't also take her number. She felt that he was relying on her to make the move, and she was not comfortable in that role. Additionally, she didn't think she was particularly interested, and on top of it, didn't like feeling in the dating "hot" seat. So there were a combination of factors are work here.

This caused huge debate at my talk. Another woman in the audience, with two grown married sons, shared how one of her daughter-in-laws actively pursued her son, and he actually welcomed it. That he was on the shyer side, and now they're happily married.

She said that, in her opinion, men can be fragile. And, that women often assume that guys should take the leadership role in the dating arena.

My response was that generally speaking most women are more comfortable if a man takes the lead. Then, at least they know where they stand. And, you don't have to question the level of interest someone has in you. Won't most men, even the shy ones, try their best to stick their neck out when it comes to asking a woman out who they like?

Her point was that men are insecure too. And, sometimes they don't have someone they can really talk do. Women are better at reaching out to each other for support and insight.

I do agree with both these points. Many of my male love coaching clients come to see me because they want to do the right thing and don't always know what that is. I can help guide them and offer a female perspective. Their goal is to please so they can succeed on the social front, but how to do that?

Ultimately, my talk concluded, with the audience being in resounding agreement, that we all have to cut each other some slack. Everyone wants to be happy, and affairs of the heart can be complex. There are no hard 'n fast rules. Often you just have to learn to trust your gut and intuition.

But, at the end of the day, try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Most of us yearn for love in our lives. There's no one way to find it, but if we treat each other with respect and kindness, socializing might be a bit less stressful.

Friday, March 13, 2009


Do you have a pattern?

I'm referring to a pattern of dating?

Do you have a habit of gravitating toward the same type of person, and it continually fails to work out?

This is not unusual.

Most people would say they have a "type" that appeals to them

Part of it is looks.

Profession could play role.

Sense of humor.



There are many things that contribute to "type."

While it's natural, it can ultimately prove self-defeating.

It's important to examine your choices.

What to do if you recognize that you tend to both attract and be attracted to a guy or gal who isn't commitment-minded, and you are ready to find a life partner?

Consider what it is that appeals to you.

I would definitely first urge you to explore your own readiness.

Are you truly poised to walk down the aisle or do you just think you should be ready? There is a difference.

If the answer is a resounding "yes" you're reading, then why do you continually seek out those who aren't on the same page as you?

Years ago, I had a single girlfriend who was very attractive and never attracted a marriage-ready guy. She and I would go out dancing, and inevitably the guys that would come over to her were the ones that had the never to strike a conversation. To many, her looks would be intimidating. Not that she was even aware of her own looks. She was one of the most down-to-earth girls I knew, and still is, and we remain close friends. But, the bar/club scene wasn't working for her.

I told her she needed to shake things up, and I wrote/placed a personal ad for her. Ultimately, she met her husband through it, and since he seldom, if ever, went to bars/club, she would not have had a way to meet him if she kept on the socializing path she was pursuing.

Like herself, she needed, for the long run, a more down-to-earth guy who would treat her well....yes someone she was attracted to, could laugh with, respected, have a family with ....etc....but until I mentioned a personal ad to her, she didn't recognize that she needed to take a different approach. And, while his looks didn't necessarily knock her out immediately, there was an attraction on a deeper level, and they are happily married with kids today.

I urge you to take a look at your patterns. Who you attract. Who is attracted to you. Are they marriage-minded? What can you change, if need be, about your socializing pursuits that could lead you down a different path.

It's worth investing the energy to explore.

And, if you're not sure, consider speaking with a Love Coach, like myself, because sometimes it's tough to see ourselves.

PS -- I have a special sale at present on my book HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH. Buy One....Get One Free. Drop a note to

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day

Wanted to wish you a very happy Valentine's Day!

I hope you're doing something for yourself that feels good.

Don't feel like you must have a date. Or that it's imperative to socialize.

What is important to do is to practice self care.

I feel a bit like a broken record when I say this....but it's so easy to get caught up in the business of life, that we become our To Do lists.

When was the last time you played music and danced?

Allowed yourself some quiet time?

Went to a movie you've long wanted to see?

Had a good belly laugh with a friend?

The better you feel about yourself...and it's an inside job....the more appealing you will be to a potential mate.

Who wouldn't want to be with someone who is lit up from the inside out? Who is confident. Who loves life.

Is that you?

Think about it.

I had lunch with a friend from high school yesterday who reconnected with me recently on the web. It was nice to see her. A trip down memory lane. I loved high school and my experiences there, so it was a feel good luncheon bringing each other up to much as we could in one luncheon.

She is single....never married....and has a live-in boyfriend. She has no desire to marry him or have children. She earns more than him...and said he is a boy at heart....which sounded both good and she has no desire to walk down the aisle. She is happy with her life. She has many friends. Does country line dancing. Enjoys trying new things. Her boyfriend is introducing her to hiking and ice skating. A friend of hers is introducing her to rock wall climbing.

I was intrigued to see all that she is doing. She likes her job, and practices self care seemingly well. She is currently being treated for a back problem, and took it upon herself to pay out of pocket for the treatment. She wants to feel good.

It got me thinking about the choices people make in their lives.

I wondered what she imagined was ahead for her when we were in high school?

What did I imagine was ahead for me?

How about you?

There's no one way to be happy. And, marriage isn't the answer for everyone.

If it's what you do want for yourself, then you might take away some helpful pointers from my book HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH (decent person) and earlier blog posts.

But, your best to live in the moment, and enjoy each day as much as possible.

Start with today!! You deserve it.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Love Goals

Let me start by wishing you A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR.

I was speaking with a wise friend the other day who was talking about 2009 and reflecting on the past year.

She said she hadn't felt like she accomplished all she wanted to, yet she really had done a lot. It was evident to me, and became clearer to her after I suggested she write it down.

But, she got me thinking about the notion of reacting to life vs. leading it. We can't control all that happens to us, but we can create a Goal list. She emphasized identifying Goals vs. making Resolutions. And,she suggested including 5 items.

So, what are your goals in the romance department?

If you hope to find a mate....consider this.

Rather than putting than much pressure on yourself, why not try a list such as a following:

*go out once/week to some place new that could be social.
*do volunteer work
*make up a business/personal card and carry it at all times, to give to appropriate people.
*have more fun with friends
*practice self care, so I can feel good about myself

You can adjust it accordingly to what feels right for you.

I invite you to give it a shot. And, if you're not sure, get quiet, and see what comes up.

You will know what feels truly attainable given the other demands of your life.

The last thing you want to do is put more pressure on yourself, but you also want to move forward with what feels important.