Monday, September 22, 2008

Pack Your Bags

It is so easy to get stuck in a rut.

It happens to all of us, whether single or otherwise.

Last week I had the opportunity to tag along for a couple of days with my husband who attended a conference for work in Nashville.

I had never been there before, and didn't know what to expect. He was basically at the conference 24/7 and otherwise was hanging with guys from his office. So, I was in solo mode.

It's been a long time since I've been doing my own thing. While I work from home, I'm always rushing to get stuff done before my son comes home from Kindergarten. So, being on vacation and feeling somewhat free from immediate responsibility was totally liberating.

It made me think back to my solo days when it felt like the world was my oyster. And, being in Nashville especially brought that back to mind. It is such a town filled with creativity and aspirations and driven talent yearning to be discovered. You could feel the vibe throughout the town. And, many of the songs they sing are ballads are: looking for love, love gone wrong, or celebrating relationships.

I never thought about how much songwriters put their emotions out there, and how universal the subject of love is. We'd like to think our experiences are unique, but clearly, finding and keeping love is something we all want and can find challenging. Whether it's about emptiness, walking away, not picking up the phone, etc., there is plenty of material on the subject. All you have to do is check out an appealing young songwriter/singer named Tammy Fowler (who I saw perform at the famous Bluebird Cafe), to hear some of the sentiment. You can find her at

What struck me also about my Nashville trip is how important it is to expose ourselves to new experiences. While I'm not particularly a country music lover, Nashville is so much more than that. It's a town for rockers as well, and even pop country. I never expected to enjoy being so immersed in music, and when you're trying to socialize and feeling stuck, a dose of change could be just what you need. Consider packing your bags, if you can and get away. Even if it's just an overnight. It can be so rejuvenating and give you a new mindset that you might not have thought possible. And, from that can come inspiration and hope, and you never know who you'll meet.

PS: I will be speaking at Canyon Ranch in Tucson late October, if you're looking for a destination.

PPS: My book HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH is currently on one, get one free. Drop me a note if you're interested in an autographed copy.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Mom in the Pool

What kind of parents...and mom do you have?

I had a funny experience this weekend. While in our community pool, working on my crawl stroke (it's my new goal to learn how to swim well), a woman wearing a swimcap approached me in the water. She looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place her for the moment with her water-logged appearance.

She asked what my last name was, and how she might reach me.

I wasn't exactly prepared to network, but I told her I actually had a love coaching business card in my pocketbook that was poolside near my husband who was reclining on a lounge chair.

She exited the pool, and when she took off her swimcap and shook out her hair, I realized she was the mother of a 40 something girl I had met the week prior at the pool. The girl happens to live in the same building as my mother-in-law who was at the pool with us that day.

My mother-in-law mentioned that I wrote HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH, and the girl commented that she had the book but had yet to read it. Her mother had bought it for her some time back.

After the girl left, the mother commented to me that she is a "tough" one.

I wondered what that meant. I assumed, at least in part, that the mother thought her daughter was being particular about her choice of date. That may or may not be the case, but clearly, this is a mother who loves her daughter and wants to see her settled.

It got me thinking.

How does she come across to her daughter? No doubt she shows concern, but to what extent? Is she critical of her daughters socializing efforts, or possible lack thereof?

On one hand, your mother can be a huge supporter. But, it can also be challenging if she is feeling a loss over the fact that you are single. No doubt she wants you to be happy, but you don't want to feel pressure due to her hopes for you.

If your parents are your role models in terms of having a happy marriage, that can make a big, positive difference. It's something to aspire to. I've seen cases where parental divorce can lead a son or daughter to have commitment concerns or fears. This is so unfortunate because who's to say you will follow in their footsteps in a bad way?

We all make our own choices in life. Our parents want what is best for us, but we have to follow our own path, whether it comes to finding love, or other matters.

How do your parents figure into your dating life? Are they supportive, or do they feel meddling? I'm curious to hear your experiences, if you'd like share and post a comment on this blog. Look forward to hearing from you.